Mailbag: When A Jealous Boyfriend Won’t Admit He’s Jealous


Today’s letter comes to us from a South African reader we’ll call “M,” whose jealous boyfriend won’t admit that he’s jealous: Dear Zachary, My boyfriend has retroactive jealousy and has admitted he plays movies in his head of what other guys have done to me and is he even to the point where he doesn’t want…

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Use The 80-20 Principle To Overcome Retroactive Jealousy Twice As Fast


Over a century ago, an Italian economist unlocked one of the most powerful, universally-applicable principles for achieiving growth and success ever discovered. And it was all thanks to his garden. His pea pods, in particular. Unless you’re some kind of business person, entrepreneur, or economist, it’s likely that you haven’t heard of “the Pareto Principle.” In…

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Mailbag: How Do You “Compete” With Your Partner’s Ex?


When you hear the word “settling,” what comes to mind? “Settling down?” “Settling for someone?” “Settling in?” What? When I hear the word “settling,” I cringe. To me, “settling” in the context of relationships implies a choice to be OK with OK. To “settle” for mediocrity. To “settle” for someone who isn’t worthy of you. And, to…

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“Chasing Amy” and Retroactive Jealousy


For a condition that affects so many people around the world at one time or another, there aren’t many books, songs, and films that deal with retroactive jealousy. With some notable exceptions–John Lennon’s song “Jealous Guy,” Graham Greene’s novel The End of the Affair–it’s a topic that doesn’t get a lot of play in pop culture.…

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Sleep: Your Secret Weapon For Overcoming Retroactive Jealousy


About a year ago, one of my closest friends became a father for the first time. And ever since, between running his own business, being forced to travel regularly, trying to maintain a healthy relationship with his partner, and managing the many demands of fatherhood, the guy really doesn’t get a lot of sleep. In fact, he recently began experimenting…

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How Being Vulnerable Can Help You Overcome Retroactive Jealousy


A few months ago I broke my face. Well, not my whole face, but a crucial part of my face, anyway. One wrong turn on a motorbike in Thailand, and I ended up fracturing my nasal bone, leaving a healthy (though apparently fixable, and thus non-permanent) scar on the right side of my nose. I’m thankful that…

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Retroactive Jealousy Is Not The Same As Conflicting Values


Since I launched this site two years ago, hundreds of people have written to me asking the same question in different ways. That question goes something like this… “My partner is amazing in every other regard, but I can’t seem to get past their past relationships/sexual history. Do you think I should try to work through this,…

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“I Can’t Stop Stalking My Wife’s Past On Facebook:” Retroactive Jealousy And Social Media


In many ways there’s never been a better, or worse, time to be dealing with retroactive jealousy. Unlike decades earlier, with the advent of the internet the average RJ sufferer can find a wealth of useful information on the topic. While it’s true that there is a lot of garbage concerning retroactive jealousy on the internet,…

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Is Sexual Jealousy Natural?


Dr. Christopher Ryan is the co-author of the 2010 bestseller Sex at Dawn: The Prehistoric Origins of Modern Sexuality, cited by many as one of the most important books on sex and sexuality to emerge in the past fifty years. From Wikipedia: In opposition to what the authors see as the ‘standard narrative’ of human…

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Setting Non-Negotiables: A Simple Way To Get Serious About Self-Improvement in 2015


Happy New Year from Chiang Mai, Thailand!  I originally posted this article over on my personal website, but I thought it would be appropriate to share here as well. If you’re suffering from retroactive jealousy, I believe that getting serious about owning your condition and overcoming it should be one of your “non-negotiables” for the…

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