Recently I was interviewed for one of the most popular self-improvement podcasts in the world.

The Art of Charm bills itself as “life coaching for the modern guy,” and their podcast features interviews with authors, coaches, psychologists, business leaders, and more. It’s one of the most enlightening and entertaining podcasts out there, and I felt both humbled and grateful to appear on the show.


During the interview I had a relaxed conversation with the host, Jordan Harbinger, about retroactive jealousy, what it means, where it comes from, and how modern men (and women) should approach confronting it, and getting better. We also discussed issues like…

  • All jealousy is related to insecurity in some way.
  • How should we deal with the complex cultural politics of social media in 2015 as they relate to retroactive jealousy?
  • What are your values?
  • Jealousy and possessiveness often cause us to stay in unhealthy relationships for far too long.
  • Is it fair to judge our partners based on their past? Or is the present all that really matters?
  • And more

From The Art of Charm:

Recognizing a need to help the countless others whose lives were similarly under siege by this little-known affliction, Zachary wrote Overcoming Retroactive Jealousy, though he initially released it under a pen name because it wasn’t something he’d planned on making a career out of.

But existing information online at the time consists mainly of judgmental name-calling in forums, keenly aware of just how little help there was for people suffering from retroactive jealousy. If others could learn from his process of overcoming it, then perhaps he had an obligation to continue the dialogue and raise awareness of the condition.

As Zachary tells us,”A lot of the advice on the Internet I found…is more or less, ‘Just get over it; the past is in the past’ move on,’ which, if you’re dealing with this, is extremely difficult to do. So I wanted to tell people, point blank, this is exactly what I did. This is the process I followed to get over this. And life gets really great once you manage to put it behind you.”

Click below to listen to the interview:

(And if you enjoyed this interview, don’t hesitate to leave a comment at the bottom of the post on the Art of Charm.)

. . .

On a completely unrelated note, I’m in the midst of an intense Leonard Cohen binge.

The legendary Canadian singer-songwriter is often billed, unfairly I think, as the poet laureate of melancholy and depression. But there is a great deal of hope and joy in his work, if you look at it closely enough.

Lately, this lyric has been sticking with me:

There is a crack in everything; that’s how the light gets in.

Keep this in mind as you work to overcome retroactive jealousy. Put in the necessary effort, go easier on yourself and your partner, commit to growth, and be open to change.

You’ll find that if you manage to peer through this “crack” of retroactive jealousy, you’ll witness a beautiful light on the other side.

Zachary Stockill
Zachary Stockill

Hi! I'm a Canadian author and educator whose work has been featured in BBC News, BBC Radio 4, The Huffington Post, and many other publications. I'm the founder of, the author of Overcoming Retroactive Jealousy and The Overcoming Jealousy Workbook, and the host of Humans in Love podcast.