Wondering how to block out jealous thoughts?
The question of how to block out jealous thoughts is a topic I’ve devoted a big part of my working life to.
Note: this article contains excerpts from my guidebook, Overcoming Retroactive Jealousy:
It is a painful irony of the human condition: we often subconsciously create that which we fear most.
When we are approaching a job interview with a lack of confidence and fear of failure, we bomb it. When we are constantly trying to avoid fights with our partner, we fight with our partner. When we fear rejection, it comes. All of this is linked to how we conceive of ourselves, or what’s also called our “self-image:” the vision of ourselves that we have created, and thus project into the world.
Our thoughts become things.
It has been said a million different times in a million different self-help books, so I will do my best to keep this chapter brief. The main point I am trying to emphasize here is that what and how we think has direct bearing on the reality that manifests around us. If we think positive thoughts, positive things happen. If we think negative thoughts, negative things happen.
Merely thinking is not enough, but consciously setting goals, directing our attention, and cultivating positive self-talk are all extremely effective in creating the outcomes we want.
Jealous thoughts are probably at the forefront of your consciousness lately — if you’re anything like I used to be, you’ve probably created vivid mental images and scenes based on details of your partner’s past that are seriously hurting your self-image.
When I was grappling with retroactive jealousy, feelings of anger, confusion, self-loathing, hurt, and stress threatened to overwhelm me at any moment.
It was only when I realized that my thoughts became reality that I started consciously directing my mind onto a different course.
It was only when I began deliberately creating new thoughts, and drilling them into my brain, that my way of thinking, my emotions, and my actions began to change.
In the bottom right-hand corner of my computer’s desktop screen, I have a PDF file that I open, and read aloud, at least once a day.
The file is named “Today,” it is one page long, and contains a list of simple, affirmative statements concerning the man I am, and more importantly, the man I want to become. This document focuses on the aspects of my personality that I love, and ignores those that I don’t. Other statements focus on future goals as not simply far-off dreams, but aspects of my personality that I am actively cultivating in my day-to-day life.
By reading this document every day, and being forced to think and say things like “I am an attractive man,” or “Other men respect me,” I am training my brain to think new thoughts.
It doesn’t matter if I believe them or not — I am describing a new, positive vision of myself that, sooner or later, will become reality. I’m purposely creating new thoughts in order to counteract the negative patterns of thought my retroactive jealousy used to enforce.
Since I began this exercise over a year ago, my confidence has improved dramatically, and I feel much better about who I am and where I am going. (And, oh yeah, my retroactive jealousy has withered away to almost nothing.)
Serious about wanting to block out jealous thoughts? Try this exercise yourself today.
Take out a blank sheet of paper and a pen.
Write down 10-15 concise, focused, and proactive statements about the “I” that you want to be, or the “I” that you already are. Focus on positive, rather than negative statements. (For example: “I am an attractive man” is preferable to “I am not an unattractive man.”) Do not write about future goals as if they are unrealized, far-off aspirations — write about them like you’ve already achieved them, or are actively working toward them. (ie. If you want to become confident, write something like “I love myself and where I am going in life,” even if you don’t feel it right now.) You can write one or two statements that acknowledge your jealousy, although it’s not essential.
Above all, focus on outlining a new, positive self-image on the page. Write down a description of self that you love. Again: it doesn’t matter if you believe what you write just yet — simply fantasize about who you would be in an ideal universe. Next, keep this document handy and read it aloud once every morning from now on. I read mine every morning, and usually turn to it again once or twice during the day.
You may be surprised to find that, after a while, these positive self-affirmations don’t seem so silly — you might even begin believing them. When you begin believing them, the reality that manifests around you will start to change. Put into practice a new vision of yourself and watch what happens.
Soon, your ability to block out jealous thoughts will surprise you.
It takes patience, persistence, and a sense of humor–but you can get there.