Dead Bedrooms And Retroactive Jealousy: Here’s My Take [VIDEO]

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In today’s video, I’m going to talk about dead bedrooms and retroactive jealousy.

Read or watch below to discover how dead bedrooms and retroactive jealousy can impact relationships and discover tips to overcome these challenges.

Zachary Stockill: Here’s a comment I regularly receive from viewers of my channel and readers of my blog:

“Zach, I’m struggling with retroactive jealousy because my partner had a lot of sexual experiences in their past, and now I’m finding it hard to deal with because we don’t have much of a sex life today…”

“What is the connection between dead bedrooms and retroactive jealousy?”

In today’s video, I’ll try to answer that question.

My name is Zachary Stockill, and since 2013, I’ve been helping men and women from around the world overcome retroactive jealousy and strengthen their relationships.

If you’d like to work with me one-on-one or learn more about my work, please visit this link.

For those of you who are here for the first time, retroactive jealousy refers to having intrusive thoughts, often obsessive curiosity, and what I call ‘mental movies’ about a partner’s past relationships or sexual history.

You might experience all of these symptoms or just one. Generally speaking, we still refer to this as retroactive jealousy.

Many people struggling with retroactive jealousy are fixated on the fact that their partner had an active sex life in the past, while things are less exciting now—they’re experiencing a less frequent sex life.

The first thing I would say is that, of course, I understand.

I can completely understand being in a relationship and feeling hurt, wounded, jealous, or even angry that your partner may have had a very active sex life when they were single or in a past relationship… and now, it feels like their attraction and desire are lacking.

Although I haven’t experienced this personally, I can put myself in someone else’s shoes and see how it would be frustrating and hurtful.

The main thing I would say is to remember that life is made up of different seasons.

I don’t say this to suggest that you should simply accept that this is a season in your partner’s life where you won’t have any sex. I’m not necessarily saying you should do that.

But as we all know, desire can rise and fall over time, especially as we move into our later adult years with more and more stress.

‘What were your initial impressions of her sex drive, and were you two ever really compatible in that way?’ Often, the answer is no.

The story usually goes something like this: ‘We met, and it took a long time for us to sleep together. Even when we were dating, it seemed like she wasn’t very interested.

She promised that she’d work on it and that it wouldn’t always be this way. She said that once life settled down, things would improve.

But to be honest, we’ve never really clicked sexually; we’ve never truly had that connection. In the end, your relationship is your relationship.

It’s none of my business; you’re a free individual who can make your own choices. But if you value an active, healthy, and dynamic sex life, you should be with someone who shares that value.

Not everyone feels the same way, and there’s no judgment on those who don’t. That’s completely okay.

But the point is, don’t enter into a relationship—or especially a marriage—where sex is very important to you but seems unimportant to your partner.

As they say, an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.

This is one of those situations. If you find early on in the dating phase that your partner doesn’t share the same sex drive or isn’t as interested in sex as you are, and this remains consistent over a long period without improvement, I would be very cautious about moving forward with her.

There’s a divorce lawyer I really admire named James Sexton, who wrote an excellent book that I highly recommend called If You’re In My Office, It’s Too Late.

One of the things he discusses in his book, based on his experience as a divorce lawyer, is that many marriages end because of money issues, and also because of sex–or sexlessness.

To avoid this, be clear about your financial values early on, and make sure you both agree on the role your sex life will play in your marriage.

If you’d like more information about my work, or you’d like to work with me one on one, please visit this page.

And, be sure you’re subscribed to my YouTube channel as well to be notified of new videos.