Today I’m going to share some quick thoughts on dealing with retroactive jealousy triggers.

Dealing with retroactive jealousy triggers sometimes requires an unconventional approach.

Transcript below

Zachary Stockill: Before I get into it, I’d just like to remind you that my brand new audio series, Overcoming Retroactive Jealousy: The Guided Meditations, is available right now.

This is an all new series of fully downloadable guided meditations dealing specifically with overcoming retroactive jealousy, attacking each of the different challenges posed by retroactive jealousy.

You can find all the details about ORJ: The Guided Meditations by clicking here.

Today’s video, I’m going to keep it really quick, but I just wanted to share a technique, an interesting little technological practice for dealing with retroactive jealousy triggers.

Just an idea I had recently and I thought that it would be useful for retroactive jealousy sufferers.

Please note that this piece of advice is aimed at people who are actively putting in the work, actively taking steps to confront and overcome retroactive jealousy.

This is not for people who are just dabbling and watching a video on YouTube and then doing nothing really proactive. Other than that, not trying to attack you people. If you’re doing that, that’s fine.

But I’m saying this particular piece of advice is aimed at people who are actively putting in the work, reading books, taking courses, talking to therapists, whatever, actively taking steps to confront and overcome retroactive jealousy. And my suggestion is coming up with a personal vision board.

Now, this sounds really woo woo, it sounds far out. And some of you people might have a weird response to that, like what do you mean a vision board that sounds like you’re some hippie in the forest or something…

I don’t mean that and I’m not trying to promote the famous book, The Secret, and manifesting, and all that stuff. I’m not talking about that.

What I’m talking about is keeping a list of photographs or should I say a collection of photographs on your phone that you find particularly meaningful, particularly reassuring and the really interesting thing, especially if you have an iPhone or I think a lot of the new smartphones do this, as well.

But you can put together a little photo collection and it’ll make a slide show with you, complete with music and really good cuts and slow motion and zoom-ins. It’s ] pretty cool.

I’ve been doing this recently for myself, not because I’m struggling with retroactive jealousy. I’m not, but I put together a collection of photographs, which I find particularly meaningful, inspiring and motivating.

So to give you some examples, these are things like the guitar that I’ve always wanted. And first class airplane tickets and a really beautiful moment that I shared with my girlfriend. Things that I find particularly comforting, centering, grounding and motivating.

If I have moments where it feels like I’m drifting or I’m losing focus or losing motivation, I whip out my phone for two seconds and I play this motivational little Zach slide show and it really does boost me up. It really does lift my mood.

It’s also a great way to start your day. Sometimes I play the slideshow first thing in the morning before I have coffee, before I do anything. I play this motivational little slideshow and it really does lift me up, really does boost my mood. So it might be worthwhile for you to try this in the context of overcoming retroactive jealousy.

A good way you can do this is, you can put together a collection of quotes, collection of photographs of you and your partner or just pictures of your partner, whatever you find particularly meaningful, reassuring, clarifying. It can be anything you want. But the key is, it has to be personally meaningful to you. So I can’t give you a list of quotes or lists of affirmations. You can take some of my suggestions, but it really has to come from you.

You put together this collection of photographs, quotes, whatever you need and then create a little slide show on your phone. And I think, I’m sure the most modern smartphones can do this pretty easily.

And pull this little slideshow out the next time you’re having perhaps a retroactive jealousy attack or the next time you’re feeling anxious. So the next time you’re confronted by a trigger you don’t like or if in the middle of the day, you’re having a crappy day and you want to lift your spirits, something like that.

Give yourself some motivation, give yourself some reminders, some tangible reminders, some visual reminders, in particular, of exactly what you’re working toward, of exactly what you want, of exactly what you’re fighting for. It’s really good sometimes to have this North Star for your day and in some ways, a North Star for your mood.

A guiding light, a beacon, something you can look at and reflect upon and say, “This is what I’m doing this for, this is what’s important, this is what is real.”

Not the BS in my head, not the nonsense and the endless questions and the curiosity about my partner’s past. None of that. This is what is real, what I’m looking at right now. This is what is important. This is what I’m fighting for, this is what is real.

So I hope you try this. I think that this could be really useful for a lot of retroactive jealousy sufferers. And if you do try it, please be sure to leave a comment below and let me know all about it.

Before I leave you today, just one more reminder that my brand new audio series, Overcoming Retroactive Jealousy: The Guided Meditations, is available right now.

You can find all the details about that if you click here.


Zachary Stockill
Zachary Stockill

Hi! I'm a Canadian author and educator whose work has been featured in BBC News, BBC Radio 4, The Huffington Post, and many other publications. I'm the founder of RetroactiveJealousy.com, the author of Overcoming Retroactive Jealousy and The Overcoming Jealousy Workbook, and the host of Humans in Love podcast.