“Do NOT Want Details About Her Past… Still Retroactive Jealousy?” [VIDEO]

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In today’s video, I address a viewer question: “I do not want details about her past… Is this still considered retroactive jealousy?”

Read or watch below to learn more about handling feeling like you do not want details about her past, and how to manage retroactive jealousy.

Zachary Stockill: If you’ve been following me for a while and watching my videos on Retroactive Jealousy, you’re probably familiar with how I often talk about obsessive curiosity as one of the common symptoms.

This usually involves an intense curiosity about a partner’s past relationships or dating and sexual history.

Many people dealing with retroactive jealousy reach out, saying, “I don’t relate to that at all…

“I don’t want to know anything about my partner’s past.”

“I wish they’d stop talking about it, and I wish I didn’t know what I already do. Is this still retroactive jealousy?”

In today’s video, I’m going to address these concerns and provide an answer to that question.

My name is Zachary Stockill, and since 2013, I’ve helped thousands of men and women from around the world overcome retroactive jealousy, find greater peace of mind, and improve their relationships.

If you’re interested in working with me one-on-one or want more information about my products and services, please click this link.

My usual definition of retroactive jealousy includes three main symptoms: unwanted intrusive thoughts, obsessive curiosity, and what I call ‘mental movies’ about a partner’s past relationships or sexual and dating history.

These mental movies are vivid visualizations, often involving your partner in various sexual scenarios.

However, when I talk about retroactive jealousy, I don’t mean that you need to experience all three symptoms to be considered a sufferer.

Many people deal with just one of these symptoms, but it’s still retroactive jealousy.

It’s still the same issue, and the path to finding peace remains the same.

Some people may experience two of these symptoms, like intrusive thoughts and obsessive curiosity, but not the mental movies.

That’s still retroactive jealousy.

Even if you’re struggling with intrusive thoughts about your partner’s past but have no curiosity about it, and you wish they wouldn’t talk about it or that you didn’t know what you already do, my answer is yes—that is still definitely retroactive jealousy.

In my coaching practice, I’ve worked with over one thousand people through email, phone, or video consultations, and many of them face similar challenges.

They don’t want to know anything about their partner’s past and wish they could erase what they already know—like putting a chip in their brain, similar to the movie Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (a great movie if you haven’t seen it).

They wish they didn’t know what they know and definitely don’t want to learn more.

This is still retroactive jealousy, as it involves many of the same symptoms.

And for anyone watching this who doesn’t have curiosity about their partner’s past but is still tormented by thoughts of it, the path to peace of mind remains very much the same.

Most of what I discuss on this YouTube channel and my podcast will still be just as relevant to you.

I’d say 99.9 percent of what I cover in my online course, “Get Over Your Partner’s Past Fast“, will also apply to your situation.

The strategies that we know work for overcoming retroactive jealousy will still be effective for you.

A common comment I hear is, ‘Everything you talk about on your channel related to retroactive jealousy resonates with me, but I don’t actually feel jealous—not in the way I understand that term.’

And I get it. The word ‘jealousy’ can mean different things.

We can be jealous of a friend for getting a new guitar we want, or of a sibling for getting a promotion and earning more money.

We can also feel jealous of our partner in a ‘mate guarding’ sense, wanting to keep other suitors away from them.

Or we might feel jealous about the fact that they’ve been with anyone in the past, which can really bother us—we want to ‘own’ them and their past as well.

Jealousy can mean many different things, but the key is not to get too caught up in definitions.

If you’re dealing with intrusive thoughts, obsessive curiosity, or vivid mental images related to your partner’s past, and it’s causing you intense distress, that’s retroactive jealousy.

Going back to those who have no curiosity about their partner’s past and wish they didn’t know what they already know, I recently recorded another video on this topic.

In that video, I discuss strategies to help your partner understand that you don’t want to know more about their past.

It’s a video offering advice for partners who tend to overshare. You might find it helpful, so I recommend checking it out.

To quickly recap, you can subtly let your partner know that you’d prefer not to hear more about their past.

You could take a break from visiting certain places for a while or change the subject when something you’d rather not hear comes up.

There are creative ways to handle this, and as I always suggest, don’t hesitate to express your feelings.

Calmly, without anger, accusation, or judgment, you can simply say, ‘It’s a bit of a turnoff for me to hear about your past.

Something like, ‘I respect your right to have a past—we all have that right. It’s part of being human. We all make choices, good and bad, in our past.

But honestly, it’s a bit of a turnoff for me to discuss the intimate details of your ex-wife, ex-boyfriend, or whoever.’

I think it’s perfectly fine to say this calmly, and, as I always emphasize, hopefully, you’re with someone reasonable and understanding.

Ideally, they’ll respond positively and be willing to work with you by sharing less about their past.

Most importantly, I want you to understand that even if you don’t have curiosity about your partner’s past, it’s still retroactive jealousy.

Everything I talk about will still apply to you.

Many of my one-on-one coaching clients fall into the same category, and the good news is that the path to peace is essentially the same for everyone.

You just need to take the first step.

If you’d like more information about my work, or you’d like to work with me one on one, please visit this page.

And, be sure you’re subscribed to my YouTube channel as well to be notified of new videos.