Today I want to share some important facts about retroactive jealousy that I don’t think I’ve shared before.

And some facts about retroactive jealousy that I think you might find surprising if you’re currently in the trenches.

If you’re currently feeling hopeless.

If you’re currently struggling with retroactive jealousy, feeling frustrated and in particular feeling any kind of embarrassment or shame around the fact that you’re struggling with this issue.

Transcript below

Zachary Stockill: I’ve been working on retroactive jealousy since 2013. That’s the year I purchased my website and started blogging, and published my guidebook, Overcoming Retroactive Jealousy.

And for a long time, I was one among a tiny handful of people who were talking about this issue and actually putting their real name and face out there as a voice on this issue.

There were other bloggers and there were other people and some of whom had some really valuable, important things to say. But for a while it was pretty much just me in terms of people who were actually putting their face on this issue and actually talking about this publicly.

And as a result, I got a lot of email and I still get a lot of email today. In fact, the amount of email I get is continuing to grow. And I think a big reason for that aside from hopefully the fact that some people found my work helpful was the fact that I was really one of the only people who was actually putting their real name and face out there.

And I guess people felt like they could trust me with this information, with this knowledge that they were struggling with retroactive jealousy.

And more than once I opened my email inbox and saw an email from someone and I noticed the name and I thought, “Why does that name sound familiar?” And I would end up Googling that person.

And guess what? There’s some kind of famous celebrity. This happened more than once.

Or they’re a major sports star or something else. Or they’re at the very, very top of their legal profession, or they’re a brain surgeon or multi-millionaire.

I mean, this has happened to me on more than one occasion where there’s a name that pops out of my email inbox and I think, “Where have I heard this name before?” And all of a sudden I Google them and find, wow, they’re actually quite successful. They’re actually kind of a big name.

Now, why would I share these facts about retroactive jealousy with you?

Because I still think that there’s a lot of people out there, a lot of retroactive jealousy suffers who have an extraordinary amount of embarrassment and shame around this issue.

And I completely understand that. Don’t get me wrong. I completely understand that.

As many of you probably know when I first published my guidebook, I did so under a pen name, because even though I felt so passionate about this issue enough to write a book on it and spend a lot of time working on it, to some extent I was still embarrassed. I was still ashamed.

Anyway, that’s a long story. But my point is I understand feeling shame, embarrassment around the fact that you might be struggling with retroactive jealousy.

However, you really don’t have to.

Because this issue can crop up in many different people’s lives, including people you had no idea that it was even a remote possibility that they might be struggling with this issue.

Famous celebrities, and big politicians, and sports stars, and people with millions of dollars and extremely successful people, depending on how you define success.

Many, many, many different people can struggle with this. And you didn’t choose it and neither did they.

And frankly, you might even have people you know in your personal life, whether it’s family members or friends who have struggled or are currently struggling with this issue. But nobody talks about it.

One of the most recurring opening lines I get in my emails that I get from people is, “Please don’t share this email with anyone,” or “Please don’t tell anyone that this is me. Don’t share my name on your website,” whatever it is. Of course, I respect that. Of course, I respect their wishes, but I think the world needs more people to come out and actually talk about this issue and put their real name and face out there.

People who actually have skin in the game, not scamming dodgy, internet marketers, and random trolls in internet forums, but more people to actually put their name and face out there aside for me and a small handful of others.

Because if my work has proved anything to me, if my years working in this issue have demonstrated one thing to me, it’s that anyone can struggle with retroactive jealousy. Anyone. I really mean anyone.

The good news, the very good news is I believe the cure, the retroactive jealousy cure, the remedy is pretty much the same for everyone.

And this has been confirmed to me over, and over and over again by students taking online courses, people I work with in coaching one-on-one, people who read my book and then write to me.

More facts about retroactive jealousy? It’s absolutely possible to overcome, and I believe that the cure is pretty much the same for everyone.

So don’t lose hope. Don’t feel ashamed.

And maybe take the risk of talking about this issue with someone you trust, whether it’s a friend or a family member, whoever. You might be surprised that maybe they’ve gone through it in the past, or maybe they know someone else who went through it, whatever the case may be.

This is a rare condition. Retroactive jealousy is a rare condition.

But it’s not as rare as you think. It really isn’t.

And I can show you the analytics on my website and the number of books sales… it’s not as rare as you think.

So, keep that in mind. Don’t be discouraged. Don’t lose hope. Remember that you are certainly not alone. You have nothing to be embarrassed about. Nothing to feel shame about.

As long as you actually put in the work to beat it.

Because struggling with a certain problem or issue isn’t embarrassing.

I think what’s embarrassing is doing nothing about it.

Succumbing to the victim mentality and just sitting back and hoping it takes care of itself.

So if you’re watching videos like this and you’re really committed, stick with it. Because it does and will get better for you, as long as you put in the work.

One more quick reminder, before I let you go, that my brand new audio series Overcoming Retroactive Jealousy: The Guided Meditations is available right now.

You can find all the details about that right here.


Zachary Stockill
Zachary Stockill

Hi! I'm a Canadian author and educator whose work has been featured in BBC News, BBC Radio 4, The Huffington Post, and many other publications. I'm the founder of RetroactiveJealousy.com, the author of Overcoming Retroactive Jealousy and The Overcoming Jealousy Workbook, and the host of Humans in Love podcast.