In today’s video, I’m bringing you another Q&A video.
We’re going to learn what to do when your girlfriend keeps talking about her ex.
I understand the idea that I should stop talking to my partner about their past. But I’m wondering if you have any advice about entering a new relationship.
Do you think it’s a good idea to tell a new girlfriend, “Hey, I’d rather not hear details about your past”.
I’d love to hear your thoughts.
Zachary Stockill: My number one piece of advice is this, if you struggle with retroactive jealousy in one relationship, unfortunately, it’s extremely common for you to struggle with it in multiple relationships, if you haven’t yet really stepped up and put in the work to beat retroactive jealousy for good.
I have an inbox filled with emails from people who struggle with retroactive jealousy in one relationship. And then, a couple of years later, struggle with it in another relationship. Broke up with that person because they thought this will solve their retroactive jealousy.
And then two years later, they’re in another relationship, and they struggle with retroactive jealousy again.
So, unfortunately, until you really step up, put in the work, and commit to overcoming retroactive jealousy for good, it’s very likely that it will follow you into multiple relationships. And even if you beat retroactive jealousy, I would still say advise people to err on the side of caution.
So what does that mean? What are the things you need to do if your girlfriend keeps talking about her ex?
If you’re in a new relationship, you should not make a big deal of it. I don’t think you should sit your new partner down and say, “Hey, listen, I don’t want to ever talk about your past”. That’s ridiculous.
However, when you’re having conversations with them, and you feel like they might start sharing details that you don’t want to hear, then gently steer the conversation in another direction.
You can just kind of make it clear, you don’t need to make a big deal of it. Like, “Hey, I’d, I’d rather not talk about that stuff. Let’s focus on our present and future. Let’s not be dwelling in the past”.
Don’t make a big deal of it. But be conscious that this is a problem that has been an issue for you. And it’s probably better for you to err on the side of caution.
So whenever that comes up, just kind of steer the conversation in another direction.
But if you’re with a partner who is talking about their past a lot, and they keep bringing up all these details that you don’t want to hear.
It’s probably reasonable and worthwhile to say to them, “I’m having a great time with you. This is fantastic. But can we just spend a little bit less time talking about your past? Like, I don’t need to know these details, let’s focus on our present and future. Let’s focus on the things that really matter.”