Today, I’m going to talk about how to care less about what other people think, and become more selective about whose opinion you value.

Read or watch below to discover how to care less about what other people think.

Zachary Stockill: This year marks 10 years since I started working one on one with retroactive jealousy sufferers from around the world.

I’ve been on hundreds and hundreds of one on one coaching calls and thousands of email consultations. 

So I think I have a pretty good grasp on the typical retroactive jealousy sufferer. And frankly, the typical retroactive jealousy sufferer is embarrassed about this problem. They’re embarrassed to be struggling with their partner’s past, which I certainly understand.

And sometimes they’re even embarrassed about what other people are thinking about them, or perhaps saying about them. If you are someone who is embarrassed or shameful, or you’re worried about what other people are thinking about you or saying about you, I have a very clear message. I think you’re going to want to see the rest of this video.  

To start off, I’ll be clear that caring what other people think of me has never been a particular struggle of mine.

Of course, especially when I was younger, I would have moments of caring what someone was thinking about me or saying about me or whatever. But you know, one of my favorite parts of getting older, is… 

I feel like every year I get older, I just care less and less and less about what other people think about me.

Maybe a better way to put it is the circle of people whose opinions I value and respect becomes a little smaller every year. I get a little more selective with that group each and every year.

And I think everyone watching this video should take steps to care less about what other people think. Because I promise you, you’ll be happier as a result. 

Point number one is to remember that everyone’s favorite topic is not other people. Everyone’s favorite topic is themselves.

Most of the time, when people are out in the world or at home by themselves, they’re not thinking about other people. They’re not consumed by problems that other people are experiencing. And they’re not even necessarily judging other people. They are focused on themselves. 

People are, to some extent, a bit self-obsessed. I mean, we’re all guilty of this to a certain extent. We spend all day with ourselves, 24/7. Of course, we are the people we know best. We want to serve our interests, number one, and other people often come number two.

Now, I’m not trying to sound pessimistic or cynical here. But the point is…

We are the star of the movie playing in our own heads; not other people. 

how to care less about what other people think

And the reason I mentioned this is that I think once you get clear on that idea, you start realizing that other people are not thinking of you anywhere near as much as you probably imagine they are.

Because everyone is self-obsessed to some extent. Everyone is spending 99% of their time thinking about themselves.

On a related note, obviously, this means that people are not necessarily out there thinking about the insecurities of other people or talking about the insecurities of other people. 

They’re consumed with their own insecurities. They’re consumed with their own fears. And they’re consumed with their own feelings of inadequacy. 

… rather than looking around and pointing out the inadequacies of other people. People are self-absorbed, and everyone’s favorite topic of conversation and thought is themselves. 

how to care less about what other people think

Point number two, when it comes to caring less about what other people think of you, is always, always consider the source.

No matter what anyone says about you, no matter if you hear some rumor about what someone’s saying about you, or no matter if you’re concerned about what someone may think of you: consider the source.

I will give you a perfect example. I’ve been making videos on YouTube now for over half a decade, a while now. I’ve been particularly active since 2020. 

But I’ve been on YouTube for a long time. I’ve been a public figure, a very marginal public figure, for a long time now. And any kind of even minor public figure is going to get hate.

They’re going to receive negative comments, and they’re going to be called names. They’re going to be sent anonymous emails… It doesn’t matter if you’re making cute puppy videos for a living. You’re going to have haters. 

And of course, my experience has been no different. I’ve had a certain number of haters. I haven’t had many, but I definitely have had some. Sometimes I get nasty emails. Sometimes I see comments saying things about me that aren’t true.

And every single time I encounter one of these comments, I pause and consider the source. 

And I think to myself: What kind of person has the time or the interest to be leaving nasty, vindictive, mean comments on YouTube videos? Who does this? 

I have never left a mean YouTube comment or a mean blog comment in my entire life. Because I’m busy. I have goals, I have ambitions. I’m a busy guy. My days are full.

And I don’t have the time or the interest in trying to hurt someone else, or bring someone else down. If I see some YouTuber, a video, or a blog, that I don’t like, I simply say “next” and move on. I don’t have the time or the inclination to leave a nasty comment about it. 

And I don’t think any of the men and women I respect leave nasty, anonymous YouTube comments all over the place. The people I respect, the people whose opinions I actually care about, are too busy for that kind of nonsense. 

Nasty commenters, “haters,” are, in all likelihood, sad, defeated, depressed people.

how to care less about what other people think

So why on Earth am I concerned about what they think of me? Why would I care? 

And the answer is, obviously, there is no reason. I don’t care.

So anytime you encounter any kind of hate, or you’re concerned about what someone thinks of you, consider the source. Ask yourself: Is this someone I truly respect?

On a related note, my last point in this video is to remember that hate never comes from above. 

In other words, think of your heroes, think of the men and women you hold in high esteem, and you look towards as beacons of inspiration and guidance…

Are these people haters? Do they leave hateful comments on YouTube? Do they write nasty emails? Are they out there gossiping about other people or spreading rumors? Or judging others unnecessarily?

The answer is probably not. If you have good heroes, I hope the answer is no…

So if you are encountering hate, or someone’s posting mean comments about you, or someone’s judging you, or whatever, remember: hate never comes from above. 

Anyone with the free time or the inclination to be mean and petty and vindictive is not someone who’s worthy of respect. Hate never comes from above.

And once you realize this, all of a sudden, it becomes so much easier to brush off criticism, to brush off mean comments, when you realize that these are not people who are above you in any sense of the word.

If you’d like more information about my work, or you’d like to work with me one-on-one, please visit this page.

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Zachary Stockill
Zachary Stockill

Hi! I'm a Canadian author and educator whose work has been featured in BBC News, BBC Radio 4, The Huffington Post, and many other publications. I'm the founder of, the author of Overcoming Retroactive Jealousy and The Overcoming Jealousy Workbook, and the host of Humans in Love podcast.