In today’s video, I share eight ways to know if the woman you’re dating could be “girlfriend material.”

Watch or read below to know if she could be girlfriend material. 

Zachary Stockill: I have a lot of young guys who watch the content on my channel, listen to my podcast, and watch my videos. And several of you guys have asked me for more information about picking and choosing girlfriends.

I’m not trying to position myself as the end-all-be-all authority on this topic of how to know whether she’s girlfriend material. But in my own life, I believe I have done a pretty good job of choosing good women. 

So in today’s video, I’m going to share eight ways to know if she could be girlfriend material. 

I’m not trying to say this is the way that everyone should choose girlfriends. And this is the way that you have to choose your girlfriend. But this is what has worked for me. But frankly, it’s worked for me pretty darn well. And I talked to a lot of guys about this as well, these ideas worked well for them, too. So I think they’re worthy of taking into account when you’re dating someone and trying to decide whether she could be a potentially good long-term girlfriend.

Point number one: “Do I like her?”

No, that may seem really obvious because you think that okay, if you’re dating her, obviously you like her. And by “do I like her?” I mean, is she my friend? Do I get a kick out of her? Does she have a good sense of humor? Do I like spending time with her? Could I be friends with this woman? Even if there was no sexual attraction? Even if we were literally just friends? Do I like spending time with her?

It frequently amazes me how many guys don’t even take this into consideration when they’re trying to get a girlfriend. For a lot of guys, the only consideration is how hot she is. Is she hot? Yes or no? Is she hot and available? “Great. I’ll make her my girlfriend…”

I don’t think that works very well. Because, obviously, you’re going to be spending a lot of time with this person. So, is she your friend? Do you like hanging out with her? I think this is extremely important. 

Mutual attraction and compatible sexual values are also extremely important.

Point number two, which is kind of the flip side of point number one, is: “Is there mutual attraction and compatible sexual values?”

In other words, I’m a very sexual guy. I love having sex, and being in a relationship where we have a lot of sex, and we’re open to exploring, and we’re sex-positive, and all that good stuff. That’s very important to me.

So if I met a woman, and she was great, and I liked her and things were good, but we just didn’t have that mutual attraction… Maybe we didn’t have matching sex drives, maybe she was sexually frigid, and she wasn’t really open. And she had all kinds of guards… That really wouldn’t work for me. It just wouldn’t work out. 

So mutual attraction and compatible sexual values are extremely important. Don’t overlook this point because, in some ways, it’s equally important as point number one. You could be best buddies, you could be best friends. But if you value sex, if you value attraction, if you value intimacy, mutual sexual attraction is extremely important. 

How to know she is girlfriend material
How to know she’s girlfriend material

Point number three: “Does she have a long-standing interest in long-term relationships?”

I’m not saying that she should never have been single in her entire life. Or she should never have done some exploration or anything like that. But does she have some kind of track record of at least being interested in long-term relationships? Has she wanted to be a girlfriend and maybe a wife someday? Has she thought about family? Or is she a crazy party girl? Because, no disrespect to crazy party girl, but in general, sometimes they don’t make the best long-term mates. At least not for a guy like me.

And certainly, if you meet a woman, and she’s in the prime of her partying, you know, there could be problems there, if you want to create a long-term relationship with her. So for me, personally, I want to date someone and potentially make her my girlfriend only if she has a long-standing interest in long-term relationships. 

Point number four: “How does she handle conflict?”

Can we fight well? Because there will be conflict. I don’t think that it’s a good idea to go looking for a woman where there’s never any conflict and where she never tells you what she really thinks. Or she just goes along with everything. Or alternatively, she’s a dictator…

Both of those extremes are no good.

In a healthy relationship with two dynamic personalities, you’re going to butt heads, and sometimes, you’re going to have conflict. And the question is: how do you handle it? How well does she handle it? Does she shut down and freak out? And she’s not open to negotiation? Or does she try to communicate, and is she self-reflective? And can she control her emotions?

But above all, I want to make sure that we can fight at least somewhat well, most of the time. We’re open to negotiation, and we’re open to compromise when necessary, we have emotional control. We’re adults, essentially, whenever there’s conflict.

Point number five, related to the previous point: “Is there mutual respect?”

Do I respect her and does she respect me? Or when we have, you know, fights or whatever–is there name-calling and abuse and all kinds of that nastiness that I want to keep far away from my dating life?

Similarly, Is she out flirting with other guys, and trying to get attention all the time on social media? Does she respect me?

Does she respect my boundaries and do I respect hers? Because it needs to be a two-way street.

I think mutual respect is extremely important in long-term relationships. And without that, you’re going to have all kinds of drama and chaos and fighting and all kinds of nastiness down the line.

So a baseline of mutual respect is essential in my view.

Point number six: “Do I trust her?”

This is related to respect, obviously, but it really needs to be hammered home here.

Do I trust her when she’s going out with her girlfriends once in a while? Do I think that she’s going to be disrespecting me behind my back? Can I tell her things in confidence that she isn’t going to go, you know, tweeting about or posting on social media? Is she an adult who I can trust, and she can trust me? Is there a baseline of mutual trust there as well, which is equally important as mutual respect? 

And a good way to know if you can trust someone is if you have open and honest conversations about your relationship boundaries and values, which is another huge conversation.

But this is why it really pays off to be extremely upfront and honest about who you are and what you expect in your partner in a long-term relationship. 

It’s not enough to merely assume that your partner “gets it,” or assume that they have the same boundaries and values that you have. Because maybe they don’t.

I think it’s important to have open and honest conversations about that stuff; about who you are in relationships, and what you expect, as early in the relationship as possible. 

Point number seven, does she have a sense of humor? 

To my mind, this is absolutely non-negotiable.

I like to laugh. Life is absurd. Relationships are absurd. Life is funny. And I want to be with someone who acknowledges and appreciates that, who can put up with my messed up, very dark sense of humor.

Someone who can laugh at my jokes, and maybe she makes me laugh once in a while as well. I think a baseline of humor is very important because life is funny. Really funny. 

And I have met some people in my life who don’t seem to realize that. They take everything way too damn seriously. They can’t laugh at anything. They’re extremely politically correct and very rigid in their philosophies and the way they hold themselves and the way they comport themselves. I don’t want that in my life. 

Basically, I want a woman who likes to laugh and who can make me laugh as well. Does she have a sense of humor? Very important.

And finally, number eight: “Does she want to go where I am going?”

I am a man with big goals and a very clear mission and trajectory for my life. 

Oobviously, I don’t know for 100% certain how long it will take me to get to my destination. But I know where I’m going, and I know the direction I want to go. And this can relate to things like the job that I want to do, where I want to live, the kind of relationship I want to have, the kind of lifestyle I want to lead, all of these things.

Does she want to go to the same place?

how to know she is girlfriend material

Is she interested in living a similar lifestyle? Does she want to go where I am going and is she open to letting me lead? And letting me lead us to a better place that we couldn’t get on our own?

I want to be with a woman who’s okay with letting me lead, and who wants to go in roughly the same direction that I want to go.

So there you have it. I probably annoyed a lot of people watching this, but that’s okay, that’s what YouTube is for, right? So this is how you can know if she could be girlfriend material.

If you struggle with maintaining healthy relationships and struggle with intrusive jealous thoughts and need help, please check out my online courses like “Get Over Your Partner’s Past Fast”.

Zachary Stockill
Zachary Stockill

Hi! I'm a Canadian author and educator whose work has been featured in BBC News, BBC Radio 4, The Huffington Post, and many other publications. I'm the founder of, the author of Overcoming Retroactive Jealousy and The Overcoming Jealousy Workbook, and the host of Humans in Love podcast.