In today’s video, I want to talk about the number one mistake I see jealous men making in dating and relationships.

Read or watch the video below to discover the number one mistake made by jealous men.

Zachary Stockill: In today’s video, I want to talk about the number one mistake that I see jealous men making in their relationships. 

No preamble for you today, I’m going to get right to the point:

I think the number one mistake that jealous men make in their relationships is making their women their world.

There’s this romantic idea out there in a lot of pop culture, and pop psychology online, that you need to make “her a priority.” You need to put your wife or girlfriend on a pedestal, you need to devote yourself 100% to her. You need to give her everything; all of your time, money, and attention. “Give her all of your heart, give her everything.”

And there’s a certain beauty in that idea… That idea of sacrifice and prioritizing your partner. And of course, that’s all important. I’m not going to stand here today and say you shouldn’t make her a priority, and don’t give your time and attention. What I’m saying here is: don’t make your partner your universe

Because when men do this, they drastically increase the odds that they’re going to be struggling with retroactive jealousy

jealous men

When you are putting all of your social “eggs,” so to speak, in one basket, obviously, you’re going to have a tremendous amount of fear associated with that basket. Even on a subconscious level, you’re going to have a tremendous fear of loss, which may start inspiring you to do all kinds of things that are absolutely terrible for attraction, terrible for the relationship. 

And all of these things, by the way, increase the odds of a breakup.

If you don’t do this yourself, I guarantee you, you have at least one male friend who’s doing something like this, where they get involved with an amazing woman, they feel great… or sometimes they get involved with a not-so-amazing woman. But that’s another video. Anyway, they get involved with a woman…

And all of a sudden, they stop making time to spend time with their friends. They give up their hobbies and interests. They don’t play softball every Sunday anymore. Or maybe they won’t go out to the bar every once in a while. Maybe they start slacking off at work a little bit, or taking more sick days to spend time with their girlfriend. You get the picture…

They start making their women their entire world

They neglect all of their absolutely crucial other social relationships, such as friends and family. These guys spend pretty much all of their spare time with their partner, and start neglecting all the things that made them funny and interesting and appealing to their partner in the first place. 

They start making their women their world. And then what happens? Jealousy, fear of loss, all these emotions that are so toxic to the relationship, to attraction, start coming up to the surface. 

When you start neglecting your entire life aside from your woman, all of a sudden, you’re going to start feeling like less of a man… like you have less independence in the world, and purpose.

You lose track of your mission and your goals because you’re so dead focused on this one area of your life. So again, of course you’re going to experience irrational jealousy and possessiveness. It is because you realize that if you lose this woman, your entire social life will be gone. You’ll be all alone. 

In addition, as many men also feel, maybe they feel like that woman is the only woman they could ever get. This is common, where some guy who’s not very good with women, meets one woman and makes her his entire universe, and all of a sudden the feelings of jealousy and possessiveness become much stronger. Because, again, he might not admit it, but he feels on a deep level that “if I lose this one woman, there goes my sex life. There goes my social life. There goes my love life…” 

So what’s the solution? What is the antidote to this terrible situation? There are many solutions. But one recommendation I would offer to any man reading this is simply don’t make your woman your world. Maintain your friendships, hobbies, and all of the interests that you had when you first met your girlfriend or wife. 

Think hard about big, audacious goals. Think hard about your mission that has absolutely nothing to do with your dating/relationship life. 

jealous men

…Whether that involves personal fitness goals, business goals or work goals, or anything else. Because the irony is this will be great for your woman life. This will be great for your dating life. 

Because women want to be with a guy who’s driven, passionate, independent, and has things going on that have nothing to do with women. This is why so many of these crazy pickup artist guys are great at getting into relationships… but the relationships always peter out. Their relationships almost always self-destruct because their entire life is about women.

The guy has nothing going on; he has nothing to talk about other than women.

When these guys get into relationships, they’re charming early on. But once they get into a relationship, the woman is bored to tears. This is because the guy has nothing going on, he has nothing to talk about, other than dating and seduction.

So men: please maintain your life independent of your woman. I see this happen all the time. And I’ve seen it happen to several former friends of mine, who are really not my friends anymore. It is because they won’t make time for anything other than their girlfriend or wife. They used to have goals; they used to have things going on. And all that’s gone out the window because there are so fixated on one woman. 

In no way am I saying you shouldn’t make your woman a priority and love her and devote your time to her and be a great husband or boyfriend. It isn’t about pretending, “Oh, I’m cool. And I don’t need anyone,” or all the rest. Of course, that’s not my point. 

My point is simply to maintain a life independent of her because it’ll be great for you. And it’ll be great for the relationship. 

jealous men

I really don’t think any woman wants to date a guy who’s putting her on a pedestal. A guy who doesn’t have anything else going on in his life other than his woman. 

If you want an easy start, think about three goals you want to pursue for the rest of the year that have nothing to do with women.

For example, recording this video right now is part of one of my goals for the year. I have a certain number of YouTube videos that I want to do for the year. And, I will hit it this year. I have a certain number of times I’m going to go to the gym. I have a certain number of books that I’m going to read. You get my drift; these goals have to be personally meaningful to you. 

Think of three things that you want to accomplish this year that have nothing to do with women. And then, crucially, make time for them. Even if it means taking the odd night away from your girlfriend or wife. Believe me: you will thank me for it.

If you need more help working through obsessive jealousy, or retroactive jealousy, please check out my flagship online course “Get Over Your Partner’s Past Fast.”

Zachary Stockill
Zachary Stockill

Hi! I'm a Canadian author and educator whose work has been featured in BBC News, BBC Radio 4, The Huffington Post, and many other publications. I'm the founder of, the author of Overcoming Retroactive Jealousy and The Overcoming Jealousy Workbook, and the host of Humans in Love podcast.