Private one-on-one coaching for men who are tired of trying to "figure out" retroactive jealousy on their own—and are ready to finally get past it

Please Note: Private Coaching Applications Are Now Open

This is the only way to work with me personally.

As of this writing, I have at least one spot available for a new client. As soon as all spots fill up, intake will close again.

If you’ve been struggling with intrusive thoughts about your wife or girlfriend's past for months—or even years or decades—and you’re ready to finally break the pattern that’s been keeping you stuck, this is your opportunity.

I work closely with a small number of one-on-one clients at any given time. If you'd like to work together, please complete the short application below. If your answers meet the initial screening criteria, you’ll have the option to reserve your place subject to my personal review of your application.

Apply for Private Coaching

If you’re a man in a great relationship with an incredible woman but keep getting pulled into painful, intrusive thoughts about her past, read this.

You love her. 

You know you have something precious and rare.

She treats you well. You have a great connection. You can see a future with her.

You realize everyone has a past—including you.

Maybe you don’t love everything that happened before you met.

But deep down, most of the time you know she hasn’t done anything wrong. 

But your head keeps dragging you back into it:

The painful thoughts…
The morbid curiosity…
The vivid “mental movies”…
The questions you can’t stop asking (or have to stop yourself from asking)…

One minute you’re relaxed, laughing, everything feels great.

Next minute, something random triggers you—a thought, a word, an image—and you’re gone.

Stuck replaying scenes from her past you've pieced together from random details…

Wondering exactly what happened… and with whom.…

Questioning “how they could do that” with that guy…

Wondering what her past really says about her… or about you.

Comparing yourself to other men she was with.

Feeling a flash of humiliation or disgust or anger that makes no sense to the part of you that knows you are a grown man in a good relationship--and this stuff happened a long time ago.

You go quiet.

Or worse, you start asking questions you already know will make it worse.

Or it turns into another big fight that didn’t need to happen.

Afterwards… you feel it.

Guilt.
Confusion.
Shame.
Hopeless.

And perhaps the hardest part?

You know it doesn’t make sense. Rationally, you know her past isn’t a dealbreaker. You have a past, too. You know this shouldn’t matter as much as it does.

You know for sure you want to stay in your relationship. This is the love of your life.

What scares you is the thought that these intrusive thoughts are slowly chipping away at something you desperately want to protect.

And that’s what makes this so painful.

This isn’t just costing you peace of mind.

It’s costing you your relationship. Slowly.

Not because you’re breaking up.

But because you’re no longer fully present inside it.

The person you love is right in front of you.

But too often, your attention is somewhere else...

Stuck in a past that has nothing to do with the life you’re trying to create together.

Maybe you’ve started wondering whether this is simply who you are now.

Maybe you've already lost months to this.

Maybe years, or even decades.

Maybe you've found yourself lying awake at 2 AM "researching" things you know won't help.

Maybe you've promised yourself a hundred times that you'd stop asking questions... only to ask them again.

Maybe you've spent entire vacations, weekends, and date nights physically present with your partner...

...while mentally living in her past.

And perhaps the most frustrating part?

Deep down, you probably already know her past isn’t a dealbreaker for you, even though you may not love it. 

But knowing that hasn’t been enough to free you from it.

You may be very good at solving other problems. 

That can be part of what keeps you stuck.

In your work, your business, your finances or your family, people probably rely on you to think clearly and figure things out.

Which makes retroactive jealousy particularly frustrating. You may be confident and capable in the rest of your life, yet one thought about another man from her past can make you feel completely knocked off balance.

“How can I handle almost everything else in my life, but I can’t get a handle on this?”

That question comes up constantly in my coaching. So does another one men are often reluctant to admit: “Why can't I stop thinking about stuff that happened before we met months, years, or even decades ago?”

Ironically, the same analytical instinct that has helped you succeed elsewhere may be part of what keeps you trapped here. You keep approaching her past as though there is one more fact, one more explanation, one more question, or one more angle that will finally resolve it.

It won't.

You don’t need to become better at analyzing her past. You do not need to "beat" those men in your head, understand every detail, or prove that you are somehow more "special" than they were.

You need to stop treating her past like a problem that still needs to be solved.

Because if information alone could solve this, you would’ve solved it already.

You’ve probably read books.

Watched videos.

Talked to your partner.

Maybe you’ve spent hours researching retroactive jealousy—or asking Google or AI questions you hoped would finally give you certainty.

Maybe you’ve already tried therapy. And perhaps it helped you understand yourself better.

But you still wake up with the thoughts. You still get triggered. You still find yourself asking questions, comparing, researching, or replaying the same scenes.

That doesn’t mean you past approaches “failed.” It may simply mean you need help from someone who understands the very specific patterns that keep retroactive jealousy alive.

Here’s what most people never realize:

Retroactive jealousy feels like it’s about events in her past.

But if that were true…

You would’ve solved it by now.

You’ve already gathered enough information.

You’ve already replayed the events.

You’ve already analyzed every possible angle.

Instead, every new answer creates another question.

Every new detail becomes another mental movie.

Because the real problem isn’t missing information.

The real problem is the loop.

Every time you replay the past, ask another question, or chase another answer, the loop gets a little stronger.

The good news is this:

Loops can be broken.

But they don’t disappear simply because you understand them intellectually.

They disappear when you learn how to interrupt the patterns that keep them alive.

And that’s exactly what we do together in coaching.

Not by endlessly analyzing her past.

But by identifying—and systematically interrupting—the thought patterns and behaviors that keep feeding the loop.

But what if you worry your situation, your particular "loop," is uniquely complicated?

My former client, J, once felt like that, too:

Retroactive jealousy can make you feel as though your situation is uniquely complicated, irrational or impossible for anyone else to fully comprehend.

No matter how specific I believed my circumstances were, Zachary understood the thought patterns behind them and knew how to address them.

He helped shift my mindset from feeling controlled by my thoughts, to changing my relationship with them.

Perhaps most importantly, he never tried to make me feel better by simply reassuring me that my girlfriend’s past ‘wasn’t bad.’ Instead, he helped me develop a stronger sense of confidence and security within myself.

Rather than changing how I felt about her past by minimizing it, he helped change how I felt about myself — and that has made all the difference.

- J, former client, 30, Australia

Since 2013, I’ve helped hundreds of men from around the world break this pattern in one-on-one coaching. 

Using what I call the RJ Loop Breaker Method™, we’ll identify—and systematically interrupt—the thought patterns and behaviors keeping you stuck, until they begin losing their power over you.

Many of my clients have already tried therapy before they find me. And many therapists are excellent at helping people work through anxiety, depression, trauma, and relationship issues.

But basically no one has spent over a decade focused specifically on retroactive jealousy.

Retroactive jealousy has its own unique patterns:

• Mental movies
• Compulsive questioning
• Reassurance seeking
• Obsessive comparison
• Rumination loops
• Moral judgment and double-standard thinking

Treating retroactive jealousy as generic anxiety misses the mark.

Since 2013, helping people overcome intrusive thoughts about their partner's past has been the primary focus of my professional life.

I’ve worked with hundreds of clients facing this exact issue. What's more, I’ve lived through it myself.

In fact, in 2018, BBC News featured my own struggle with retroactive jealousy on their front page, and profiled me in a Radio 4 documentary.

And over the past thirteen years, I’ve developed a practical framework specifically designed to help people break free from these patterns and get their lives back. 

Many clients begin noticing meaningful changes within the first few weeks—often because they are finally responding differently when a trigger appears, instead of feeding the same loop.

People like Paul:

I would play movies in my mind all the time... I would torture my girlfriend with questions about things that happened 20 years ago...

Now, I am in a totally different spot. I've gone through a hyper-change of attitude over the past eight weeks. It's been life changing for me...

- Paul, former client, 46, Canada

Inside one-on-one coaching, we break the retroactive jealousy loop and get your peace of mind back, with meaningful changes often beginning in the first few weeks.

Not by over-analyzing every detail of your partner’s past.

And not by trying to eliminate every thought.

But by changing how you respond to the thoughts in real time so they start to lose their grip.

In the first couple of weeks we work together, you’ll notice it quickly.

At first, the thoughts might still show up…
but instead of spiraling for hours, you move on in minutes.

And things only get better from there.

Take it from Bill:

I was never able to stop thinking about my wife's past... I was losing sleep, anxiety was sky high...

Now, I'm sleeping well... My relationship with my wife is better than its ever been...

I honestly feel like the work we did completely fixed me.

- Bill, former client, 60, USA

Here's what we do together:

Month 1: Clarity and Control

To start: you stop dealing with this on your own.
You have someone in your corner, someone who actually gets it.
You finally feel understood, hopeful.

You get a clear plan.

You start catching intrusive thoughts earlier.
You stop getting stuck in long spirals.
You begin moving on in mere minutes instead of hours.

For most people, this feels like a massive weight off.

⸻

Month 2: Stabilize and Reset

Your relationship starts to feel like it used to.

Arguments drop off.
You stop needing constant clarification or reassurance.
You sleep better.

You feel calmer, lighter, more like yourself again during the day.

There’s a moment where you realize…
“Wow. I’m actually getting past this.”

⸻

Month 3: Peace and Freedom

Now it’s no longer running your life.

Thoughts are less frequent, less painful, and less intense, decreasing by the week.
When they show up, you handle them quickly and move on.

You’re present again.
You feel like yourself again, laughing and enjoying your partner's company fully.

Planning an incredible future together instead of being hung up on their past.

This is the point where many clients notice something surprising.

Their partner’s past hasn’t changed.

But their relationship with it has.

They stop feeling controlled by it.

They stop feeling threatened by it.

They stop treating it as something that needs to be solved.

And instead of spending their energy fighting yesterday, they start investing that energy into their future.

Their marriage.

Their family.

Their children.

Their goals.

In short: what's actually important.

Like my former client Chris:

Here’s how the program works:

1. Weekly 1:1 video calls in month 1, so we can get you quick clarity, relief, and momentum, and you know exactly how to respond to the thoughts every time they come up. This is where you start to feel like yourself again.

2. Bi-weekly 1:1 video calls in months 2 and 3 as you progress, so your momentum sticks and you don’t fall back into old patterns. This is what keeps your progress sustainable, and gets to the very roots of your retroactive jealousy, so this issue doesn’t keep haunting you in different ways later on.

3. Confidential email support throughout our three months together, so if something hits mid-week, you’ve got a place to process it and move forward ASAP. Responses within one business day.

4. Additional exclusive resources and bonus exercises on an as-needed basis, tailored to you and your situation to get you feeling great again ASAP.

Once your application is accepted and your client agreement is completed, you’ll receive:

• Exclusive video resources to help you begin interrupting the patterns keeping you stuck.

• My private calendar link to book your first 45-minute coaching session.

• Clear starting instructions, so you know what to focus on before we meet.

• Essential first steps to start breaking the loop and feeling more peaceful immediately and you can start shifting this right away.

Just like Mark:

Mental movies of my girlfriend's past were the first thing I was thinking of in the morning, and the last thing I was thinking of at night...

Now, the difference is amazing... In a few weeks, I went from having these thoughts all day long to now maybe once or twice a week...

- Mark, former client, 45, Canada

⸻

Coaching works when you take it seriously.

When we work together, I’ll bring thirteen years of specialization in retroactive jealousy, a clear framework, direct feedback, accountability, and ongoing support throughout our three months together.

Your job is to show up, be honest, take responsibility, and apply the work between sessions.

I can’t guarantee a particular outcome, and I don’t think any credible coach should. But I can promise that I’ll take your situation seriously, give you my full attention, and bring everything I know to helping you make meaningful, lasting progress as soon as possible.

Many months or years later, many clients are still writing to tell me how much better things are:

You met me with the right combo of compassion and understanding mixed with tough love and sound advice. I'll always appreciate it...

As 2025 nears, I'm in a great headspace. I'm aware of my thoughts, and I challenge my rooted beliefs. I no longer feel anxious, and I have a healthier outlook on life in general and more specifically on the one issue that plagued me.

In fact, sometimes I'm so free of retroactive jealousy that I find it hard to believe or remember what it was like to be in the throes of it.

- Jon, former client, 59, USA

Over the past thirteen years, I’ve helped more than 500 clients stop the painful thoughts about their partner's past through one-on-one coaching.

I’ve coached twenty-somethings all the way up to seventy-somethings: business owners, executives, professionals, tradesmen, fathers, religious men, atheists, and men from almost every background you can imagine.

And maybe even more importantly: I’ve been through retroactive jealousy myself.

As a younger man, I know exactly what it feels like to be trapped in obsessive thoughts, painful comparisons, and endless mental loops.

Since working through my own struggles, I’ve dedicated more than a decade of my life to helping others do the same.

I know this pattern extremely well. I know where people tend to get stuck, what keeps the loop alive, and what usually needs to change before they start feeling like themselves again.

⸻

If I were to summarize Zachary in one word, it would be “Godsend”.

My life was hell, a never-ending, 24/7 living nightmare...

I tried everything, every possible way to get over my RJ: therapy, supplements, psychedelics, but nothing worked, as a matter of fact, it got worse... I was on the verge of losing the love of my life...

Over the months I worked with Zachary, my RJ started to disappear gradually. In the end, not only did I get cured, my sessions with him transformed my state of mind and opened a doorway for a whole new way of life and mindset.

As I said, “Godsend”….

- "E," former client, 44, Turkey

I’ve unfortunately run into several so-called therapists who were more like money managers... To do what Zachary does requires innovation, integrity, and brilliance. His wisdom and actual passion shine through when you talk to him.

Zachary is the man. He helped me get over a problem I’ve had for 30 years.

- John, former client, 67, USA

I was on the verge of breaking up with a girl who was a VERY good girlfriend simply because she had a past...

I had my first call with Zach, and we started working together. Within days, I was feeling better overall. Within weeks, I was back to my normal self...

I honestly can't remember the last time I had an RJ "episode..."

And because of Zach’s coaching, instead of going onto ChatGPT researching statistics about girls with a past (hopefully I’m not the only one that did that) I’m researching wedding venues, engagement rings...

I feel like I’ve gained 100 years of growth in 100 days.

- Zach, former client, 32, USA

Private coaching will be a strong fit if:

• You are a man who knows he wants his relationship and is tired of letting her past dominate his attention
• Her past keeps affecting how you see her, how you see yourself, or how you feel about the relationship
• You experience intrusive thoughts, sexual comparisons, mental movies, resentment, or questions you know you should stop asking
• You recognize that more analysis, checking and reassurance are not solving the problem
• You are ready to take responsibility for your side of the pattern and change how you respond

Here’s what one former client had to say:

Private coaching is probably not the right fit if:

• There is ongoing dishonesty, abuse or betrayal in your current relationship
• You mainly want someone to confirm that she is wrong, or persuade you to stay
• You want reassurance about the details of her past rather than changing the pattern that keeps you stuck
• You are not willing to change your own questioning, checking, comparison or reassurance-seeking habits

What is another year of this going to cost you?

You probably don’t have to imagine it.

You already know.

The thoughts keep coming.

The mental movies keep replaying.

You keep asking yourself the same questions.

You promise yourself you’ll stop researching, stop comparing, stop bringing it up…

Until the next trigger.

And then the cycle starts again.

Most people struggling with retroactive jealousy don’t lose their relationship.

They lose something much harder to get back.

Time.

Months.

Years.

Sometimes decades.

Years they could have spent fully enjoying the person they love.

Years spent physically present—but mentally somewhere else.

The question isn’t whether you can keep living like this.

You’ve already proved that you can.

The question is whether you want to spend another year trapped in the same loop.

That’s exactly why I created the RJ Loop Breaker Method™.

Not to give you more information.

Not to endlessly analyze the events of your partner’s past.

But to help you interrupt the patterns that have been keeping you stuck—so you can finally move forward.

One thing I hear from clients over and over again is:

“I only wish I’d done this sooner.”

Like these former clients…

I have been a decades-long sufferer of retroactive jealousy who tried to ‘figure it out’ by seeking one more detail, one more clarification. It doesn’t work.

I decided to pursue coaching with Zachary because I could not cross the finish line of overcoming retroactive jealousy on my own. It took some time and humility to admit that I needed an accountability coach who could sympathetically assist with the process.

My biggest takeaway is that I was not truly stuck on my partner’s past, but rather my own. Zachary helped me stay in the present by choosing my partner today and not allowing past distractions to undermine the relationship.

For those who need a nudge on whether to invest in coaching, I can say this: you are investing in freeing yourself of this baggage for the rest of your life.

Zachary is sincere about his work, serious about digging into your specific situation, and provides on-point support to help you progress. Most people do not understand this RJ menace. It can be a lonely journey trying to conquer it yourself.

Zachary understands and is available to help. Don’t aim to manage RJ. Aim to overcome RJ.

- Jeremy, former client, 59, USA

My relationship with my wife has never been better. My sleep improved immensely, my confidence came back, and the obsessive thoughts became less frequent, less threatening, and much easier to dismiss. 

I can't put a price on it. What you ask for this program is nothing compared to the peace it has brought to my life.

— Bill, former client, 55, USA

Investment:

Private coaching is a three-month engagement, including private 45-minute sessions, confidential email support, and additional resources tailored to your situation.

The total investment is $5,000 USD, payable in two installments:

• $2,500 when you reserve your place.
• $2,500 automatically charged one month later.

If that level of investment would create financial stress, please don’t stretch yourself to join.

However, if you’re in a great relationship, but you can’t stop the thoughts, and you’re actually ready to break this pattern, this is the program for you.

Talk soon,

Disclaimer: Coaching services provided by Zachary Stockill through RetroactiveJealousy.com are intended for personal development, education, and support. Coaching is not psychotherapy, psychiatric treatment, or medical care, and is not a substitute for services provided by a licensed mental health professional. Individual results vary and no specific outcome is guaranteed.

© 2013–2026 Humans in Love OÜ. All rights reserved. RetroactiveJealousy.com.