Work one-on-one with coach Zachary Stockill to stop intrusive thoughts about your partner's past

By Zachary Stockill - Updated August 20, 2026

Please note: Intake for new clients is currently closed/sold out.

My roster is full, and I am not accepting new clients at this time.

If you want to work with me when I reopen in September, join the waitlist below. Waitlist members get priority access before I announce anything to my wider audience.

If you’re in a great relationship with an incredible person but keep getting pulled into painful, intrusive thoughts about their past, read this.

You love your partner. 

You have an incredible relationship. 

They treat you better than anyone else ever has.

You realize everyone has a past—including you.

Maybe you don’t love everything that happened before you met.

But deep down, most of the time you know they’ve done nothing wrong. 

But your head keeps dragging you back into it:

The painful thoughts…
The morbid curiosity…
The vivid “mental movies”…
The questions you can’t stop asking (or have to stop yourself from asking)…

One minute you’re relaxed, laughing, everything feels great.

Next minute, something random triggers you—a thought, a word, an image—and you’re gone.

Stuck replaying scenes from their past you've pieced together from random details…

Wondering exactly what happened… and with whom.…

Questioning “how they could do that” with that person…

Wondering what their past really says about them, or you…

You go quiet.
Or you start asking questions you already know will make it worse.
Or it turns into another big fight that didn’t need to happen.

Afterwards… you feel it.

Guilt.
Confusion.
Shame.
Hopeless.

And perhaps the hardest part?

You know it doesn’t make sense. Rationally, you know their past isn’t a dealbreaker. You have a past, too. You know this shouldn’t matter as much as it does.

You know for sure you want to stay in your relationship. This is the love of your life.

What scares you is the thought that these intrusive thoughts might eventually destroy something you desperately want to protect.

And that’s what makes this so painful.

This isn’t just costing you peace of mind.

It’s costing you your relationship.

Not because you’re breaking up.

But because you’re no longer fully present inside it.

The person you love is right in front of you.

But too often, your attention is somewhere else...

Stuck in a past that has nothing to do with the life you’re trying to create together.

Maybe you’ve started wondering whether this is simply who you are now.

Maybe you've already lost months to this.

Maybe years, or even decades.

Maybe you've found yourself lying awake at 2 AM "researching" things you know won't help.

Maybe you've promised yourself a hundred times that you'd stop asking questions... only to ask them again.

Maybe you've started wondering whether this is simply who you are now.

Maybe you've spent entire vacations, weekends, and date nights physically present with your partner...

...while mentally living in their past.

And perhaps the most frustrating part?

Deep down, you probably already know your partner’s past isn’t the real problem.

But knowing that hasn’t been enough to free you from it.

If information alone could solve this, you would’ve solved it already.

You’ve probably read books.

Watched videos.

Talked to your partner.

Maybe even worked with therapists.

Maybe you’ve spent hours researching retroactive jealousy—or asking ChatGPT questions you hoped would finally give you certainty.

And yet…

after a few hours, or a few days…

The thoughts come back.

Because understanding the problem isn’t the same as breaking the pattern.

Here’s what most people never realize:

Retroactive jealousy feels like it’s about events in your partner’s past.

But if that were true…

You would’ve solved it by now.

You’ve already gathered enough information.

You’ve already replayed the events.

You’ve already analyzed every possible angle.

Instead, every new answer creates another question.

Every new detail becomes another mental movie.

Because the real problem isn’t missing information.

The real problem is the loop.

Every time you replay the past, ask another question, or chase another answer, the loop gets a little stronger.

The good news is this:

Loops can be broken.

But they don’t disappear simply because you understand them intellectually.

They disappear when you learn how to interrupt the patterns that keep them alive.

And that’s exactly what we do together in coaching.

Not by endlessly analyzing your partner’s past.

But by identifying—and systematically interrupting—the thought patterns and behaviors that keep feeding the loop.

Since 2013, I’ve helped hundreds of men and women from around the world break this pattern in one-on-one coaching. 

Using what I call the RJ Loop Breaker Method™, we’ll identify—and systematically interrupt—the thought patterns and behaviors keeping you stuck, until they begin losing their power over you.

Many of my clients have already tried therapy before they find me. And many therapists are excellent at helping people work through anxiety, depression, trauma, and relationship issues.

But basically no one has spent over a decade focused specifically on retroactive jealousy.

Retroactive jealousy has its own unique patterns:

• Mental movies
• Compulsive questioning
• Reassurance seeking
• Obsessive comparison
• Rumination loops
• Moral judgment and double-standard thinking

Treating retroactive jealousy as generic anxiety misses the mark.

Since 2013, helping people overcome intrusive thoughts about their partner's past has been the primary focus of my professional life.

I’ve worked with hundreds of clients facing this exact issue. What's more, I’ve lived through it myself.

In fact, in 2018, BBC News featured my own struggle with retroactive jealousy on their front page, and profiled me in a Radio 4 documentary.

And over the past thirteen years, I’ve developed a practical framework specifically designed to help people break free from these patterns and get their lives back. 

Most clients begin experiencing meaningful relief within the first 2–4 weeks.

People like Paul:

I would play movies in my mind all the time... I would torture my girlfriend with questions about things that happened 20 years ago...

Now, I am in a totally different spot. I've gone through a hyper-change of attitude over the past eight weeks. It's been life changing for me...

- Paul, former client, 46, Canada

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Inside one-on-one coaching, we break the retroactive jealousy loop and get your peace of mind back, starting within just 2–4 weeks.

Not by over-analyzing every detail of your partner’s past.

And not by trying to eliminate every thought.

But by changing how you respond to the thoughts in real time so they start to lose their grip.

In the first couple of weeks we work together, you’ll notice it quickly.

At first, the thoughts might still show up…
but instead of spiraling for hours, you move on in minutes.

And things only get better from there.

Take it from Bill:

I was never able to stop thinking about my wife's past... I was losing sleep, anxiety was sky high...

Now, I'm sleeping well... My relationship with my wife is better than its ever been...

I honestly feel like the work we did completely fixed me.

- Bill, former client, 60, USA

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Here's what we do together:

Phase 1: Clarity and Control (Weeks 1–4)

To start: you stop dealing with this on your own.
You have someone in your corner, someone who actually gets it.
You finally feel understood, hopeful.

You get a clear plan.

You start catching intrusive thoughts earlier.
You stop getting stuck in long spirals.
You begin moving on in mere minutes instead of hours.

For most people, this feels like a massive weight off.

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Phase 2: Stabilize and Reset (Weeks 5–8)

Your relationship starts to feel like it used to.

Arguments drop off.
You stop needing constant clarification or reassurance.
You sleep better.

You feel calmer, lighter, more like yourself again during the day.

There’s a moment where you realize…
“Wow. I’m actually getting past this.”

⸻

Phase 3: Peace and Freedom (Weeks 9-12)

Now it’s no longer running your life.

Thoughts are less frequent, less painful, and less intense, decreasing by the week.
When they show up, you handle them quickly and move on.

You’re present again.
You feel like yourself again, laughing and enjoying your partner's company fully.

Planning an incredible future together instead of being hung up on their past.

This is the point where many clients notice something surprising.

Their partner’s past hasn’t changed.

But their relationship with it has.

They stop feeling controlled by it.

They stop feeling threatened by it.

They stop treating it as something that needs to be solved.

And instead of spending their energy fighting yesterday, they start investing that energy into their future.

Their marriage.

Their family.

Their children.

Their goals.

In short: what's actually important.

Like my former client Chris:

⸻

Here’s how the program works:

1. Weekly 1:1 video calls in month 1, so we can get you quick clarity, relief, and momentum, and you know exactly how to respond to the thoughts every time they come up. This is where you start to feel like yourself again.

2. Bi-weekly 1:1 video calls in months 2 and 3 as you progress, so your momentum sticks and you don’t fall back into old patterns. This is what keeps your progress sustainable, and gets to the very roots of your retroactive jealousy, so this issue doesn’t keep haunting you in different ways later on.

3. Ongoing, unlimited confidential email support, so if something hits mid-week, you’ve got a place to process it and move forward ASAP. When you become a client of mine, I’ve got your back, always. Responses within one business day.

4. Additional exclusive resources and bonus exercises on an as-needed basis, tailored to you and your situation to get you feeling great again ASAP.

You also get a few things the moment you sign up:

• Exclusive "stop the bleeding" video resources you can access immediately
• Fast Track Call: Instant access to my private call calendar, so you can book in your first call and we can connect on Zoom within 24-72 hours of you signing up.
• Essential first steps to start breaking the loop and feeling more peaceful immediately and you can start shifting this right away.

Just like Mark:

Mental movies of my girlfriend's past were the first thing I was thinking of in the morning, and the last thing I was thinking of at night...

Now, the difference is amazing... In a few weeks, I went from having these thoughts all day long to now maybe once or twice a week...

- Mark, former client, 45, Canada

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When we work together, I always want this to feel like a confident decision for you.

So: if after the first month you’ve shown up, done the work, and feel like this isn’t the right fit, we can shake hands and part ways. No pressure or obligation for future payments.

And if you take the necessary steps, apply what we cover, complete the exercises, and don’t see real progress after Phase 3…

I’ll keep working with you via email coaching until you do. Period.

If you show up and take the necessary steps, you're going to start feeling much better very soon.

And many months or years later, many clients are still writing to tell me how much better things are:

You met me with the right combo of compassion and understanding mixed with tough love and sound advice. I'll always appreciate it...

As 2025 nears, I'm in a great headspace. I'm aware of my thoughts, and I challenge my rooted beliefs. I no longer feel anxious, and I have a healthier outlook on life in general and more specifically on the one issue that plagued me.

In fact, sometimes I'm so free of retroactive jealousy that I find it hard to believe or remember what it was like to be in the throes of it.

- Jon, former client, 59, USA

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Over the past thirteen years, I’ve helped over 500+ clients stop the painful thoughts about their partner's past through one-on-one coaching.

Featured on the front page of BBC News, in a Radio 4 documentary, and in many other global publications.

I've coached young students, retirees, religious people, atheists, men and women fitting any kind of profile or category you can imagine.

And maybe even more importantly: I’ve been through retroactive jealousy myself.

As a younger man, I know exactly what it feels like to be trapped in obsessive thoughts, painful comparisons, and endless mental loops.

Since overcoming my own struggles, I’ve dedicated more than a decade of my life to helping others do the same.

So I know exactly how you feel right now… and how to get you out of it. 

Starting right now.

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If I were to summarize Zachary in one word, it would be “Godsend”.

My life was hell, a never-ending, 24/7 living nightmare...

I tried everything, every possible way to get over my RJ: therapy, supplements, psychedelics, but nothing worked, as a matter of fact, it got worse... I was on the verge of losing the love of my life...

Over the months I worked with Zachary, my RJ started to disappear gradually. In the end, not only did I get cured, my sessions with him transformed my state of mind and opened a doorway for a whole new way of life and mindset.

As I said, “Godsend”….

- "E," former client, 44, Turkey

I’ve unfortunately run into several so-called therapists who were more like money managers... To do what Zachary does requires innovation, integrity, and brilliance. His wisdom and actual passion shine through when you talk to him.

Zachary is the man. He helped me get over a problem I’ve had for 30 years.

- John, former client, 67, USA

I was on the verge of breaking up with a girl who was a VERY good girlfriend simply because she had a past...

I had my first call with Zach, and we started working together. Within days, I was feeling better overall. Within weeks, I was back to my normal self...

I honestly can't remember the last time I had an RJ "episode..."

And because of Zach’s coaching, instead of going onto ChatGPT researching statistics about girls with a past (hopefully I’m not the only one that did that) I’m researching wedding venues, engagement rings...

I feel like I’ve gained 100 years of growth in 100 days.

- Zach, former client, 32, USA

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This coaching program is for you if:
• You are a man or woman in your 30’s to 60’s
• You’re in a great relationship but your partner’s past keeps affecting how you see them (and you hate yourself for it)
• You experience intrusive thoughts, mental movies, or constant curiosity you can’t seem to switch off
• This issue is causing arguments, distance, or tension in your relationship
• You’ve tried to fix it but nothing has stuck, and you’re ready to get serious

Here’s what one former client had to say:

Coaching is not for you if:

• You are experiencing genuine trust issues and ongoing dishonesty in your relationship
• You’re seriously considering a breakup or divorce because of their past
• You’re looking for a quick fix for the symptoms but don’t want to take the steps to eliminate the source
• You just want to vent without making any real changes

But what happens if you do nothing?

You probably don’t have to imagine it.

You already know.

The thoughts keep coming.

The mental movies keep replaying.

You keep asking yourself the same questions.

You promise yourself you’ll stop researching, stop comparing, stop bringing it up…

Until the next trigger.

And then the cycle starts again.

Most people struggling with retroactive jealousy don’t lose their relationship.

They lose something much harder to get back.

Time.

Months.

Years.

Sometimes decades.

Years they could have spent fully enjoying the person they love.

Years spent physically present—but mentally somewhere else.

The question isn’t whether you can keep living like this.

You’ve already proved that you can.

The question is whether you want to spend another year trapped in the same loop.

That’s exactly why I created the RJ Loop Breaker Method™.

Not to give you more information.

Not to endlessly analyze the events of your partner’s past.

But to help you interrupt the patterns that have been keeping you stuck—so you can finally move forward.

One thing I hear from clients over and over again is:

“I only wish I’d done this sooner.”

Like these former clients…

I have been a decades-long sufferer of retroactive jealousy who tried to ‘figure it out’ by seeking one more detail, one more clarification. It doesn’t work.

I decided to pursue coaching with Zachary because I could not cross the finish line of overcoming retroactive jealousy on my own. It took some time and humility to admit that I needed an accountability coach who could sympathetically assist with the process.

My biggest takeaway is that I was not truly stuck on my partner’s past, but rather my own. Zachary helped me stay in the present by choosing my partner today and not allowing past distractions to undermine the relationship.

For those who need a nudge on whether to invest in coaching, I can say this: you are investing in freeing yourself of this baggage for the rest of your life.

Zachary is sincere about his work, serious about digging into your specific situation, and provides on-point support to help you progress. Most people do not understand this RJ menace. It can be a lonely journey trying to conquer it yourself.

Zachary understands and is available to help. Don’t aim to manage RJ. Aim to overcome RJ.

- Jeremy, former client, 59, USA

Investment:

One-time payment of $5,000 USD (save $500)

Or two payments of $2,750 USD

If you’re in a great relationship… but you can’t stop the thoughts, and you’re ready actually to break this pattern...

This is the program for you.

Talk soon,

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