What’s in a name? Pen names, retroactive jealousy, and freedom

Dear friends, I’ve decided to abandon my previous pen name of Frank Morrison (a hybrid of my middle name and my grandmother’s maiden name, for the curious) for my real name — Zachary Stockill. I was nervous about “coming out” under my real name to readers of my book, and this website. I initially wrote under…

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"Satellite of Love:" Lou Reed and Retroactive Jealousy

The esteemed American musician and Velvet Underground alumnus Lou Reed passed away recently at the age of 71. Aside from being a founding member of one of the most important rock and roll acts of the 1960’s, Reed enjoyed a prolific (if uneven) solo career that yielded a handful of excellent albums. The best among…

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5 Reasons Why Retroactive Jealousy is Destroying Your Relationship

If you chose to read this article, I hope you’re ready for some tough love. So, let me tell you: Retroactive jealousy will destroy your relationship. It’s not a question of “maybe” — it will happen, it’s simply a matter of time. “You don’t even know me,” you might retort. That’s true, but I know…

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Mailbag: Low self-esteem, Moroccan hash, and retroactive jealousy

The other day I received a very honest letter from a reader named Dave from the USA detailing over a decade of experience with retroactive jealousy, self-esteem issues, Moroccan hash, and more. Definitely worth the read. Dear Zachary I apologize in advance for the length of this email, particularly as I know you try to read…

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A (Very) Brief Introduction to Meditation

I am a firm believer that the quickest route to happiness and peace is to be found in the act of presence; that is, being as present as possible in each and every moment, and bearing witness to the now. It is not always easy, but it is always worthwhile. But how is it accomplished?…

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Mailbag: Letting go of “perfection”

A reader named Andrew from the USA wrote a very brave and inspiring letter to me detailing his experience with RJ, and his progress: Hi Zachary, I wanted to thank you because I truly feel like I’m getting over my retroactive jealousy now. Your guidebook, as well as regular posts on your website have all helped…

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The “Madonna-whore complex”

No, we’re not talking about that Madonna… The ‘Madonna-Whore complex’ is worth researching if you happen to be a male sufferer of retroactive jealousy. You may have already encountered the phrase in your quest for insight on your condition. According to Wikipedia, a Madonna-whore complex is “said to develop in men who see women as…

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Stop cheating others out of your best self

In certain areas of my life, I am a master procrastinator. My first book took far longer than it should have to be finished. The follow-up guide (details of which are coming soon) is taking far longer than it should to write, even though I’m at a point in my life in which I have…

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You cannot cure retroactive jealousy by thinking about it

Sufferers of retroactive jealousy tend to intellectualize their condition to death in an attempt to “get to the bottom” of their problem. This may involve relentlessly questioning a partner about their past, endlessly pondering the source of their condition, trying to “understand” why their partner made certain choices in their past, etc. etc. In short:…

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“Help! My partner suffers from retroactive jealousy…”

I often get emails from the partners of sufferers of retroactive jealousy. Typically, their letters go something like this: My partner suffers from retroactive jealousy. I’m so glad that he/she found your website, and bought your book/took your course. My partner is finding it very helpful. I want to support my partner as s/he progresses…

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