The “Madonna-whore complex”

No, we’re not talking about that Madonna… The ‘Madonna-Whore complex’ is worth researching if you happen to be a male sufferer of retroactive jealousy. You may have already encountered the phrase in your quest for insight on your condition. According to Wikipedia, a Madonna-whore complex is “said to develop in men who see women as…

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Stop cheating others out of your best self

In certain areas of my life, I am a master procrastinator. My first book took far longer than it should have to be finished. The follow-up guide (details of which are coming soon) is taking far longer than it should to write, even though I’m at a point in my life in which I have…

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You cannot cure retroactive jealousy by thinking about it

Sufferers of retroactive jealousy tend to intellectualize their condition to death in an attempt to “get to the bottom” of their problem. This may involve relentlessly questioning a partner about their past, endlessly pondering the source of their condition, trying to “understand” why their partner made certain choices in their past, etc. etc. In short:…

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“Help! My partner suffers from retroactive jealousy…”

I often get emails from the partners of sufferers of retroactive jealousy. Typically, their letters go something like this: My partner suffers from retroactive jealousy. I’m so glad that he/she found your website, and bought your book/took your course. My partner is finding it very helpful. I want to support my partner as s/he progresses…

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Top 3 Benefits to Overcoming Retroactive Jealousy

Retroactive jealousy is a drag, and overcoming it isn’t easy. However, I emerged from my jealousy a new man, and in retrospect, I realize that I was fortunate to have dealt with it. You too can use your jealousy to your advantage, overcome it, and grow stronger, more confident, and more attractive in the process. Here…

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Mailbag: Dealing With Trigger People

A reader from Wales named Bryn wrote to me about a knockout named Becky, double standards, and the rabbit hole that is retroactive jealousy. Below, I answer his question concerning how best to deal with the potentially awkward situation of interacting with what I call “trigger people;” or, individuals associated with your partner’s past: Hello…

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Obsessive Jealousy: From Coping to Healing

I recently received a very moving letter from a 46 year old reader named Shawn from the United States. It’s a bit lengthy, but well worth the read. In the letter, Shawn recounts his struggles with his wife’s past, the ebbs and flows of his journey with retroactive jealousy, cancer, multiple suicide attempts, and the…

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Tips and tricks for getting past your partner’s past

I’m moved to be concise today, so here are a few scattered thoughts and insights I’ve acquired regarding relationships and retroactive jealousy. Your past is relevant. It took me a while to come around to this, but you have to consider your own sexual past and relationship history if you want to better understand your…

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Read this: “The past cannot survive in your presence”

From Eckhart Tolle’s classic, The Power of Now, which I wholeheartedly recommend to all sufferers of retroactive jealousy: There is no need to go and investigate your unconscious past except as it manifests at this moment either as a thought, an emotion, a desire, a reaction, or an external event that happens in your life.…

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Bumps in the road, and what success actually looks like

ORJ reader Alan sent me an update about his ongoing struggle with retroactive jealousy: Ah it was all going so well… I was feeling much better about things, hardly thinking about this ex friend with benefits and then… He got in touch again… and it transpires now that there was more to their relationship than just…

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