Top 3 Benefits to Overcoming Retroactive Jealousy

Retroactive jealousy is a drag, and overcoming it isn’t easy. However, I emerged from my jealousy a new man, and in retrospect, I realize that I was fortunate to have dealt with it. You too can use your jealousy to your advantage, overcome it, and grow stronger, more confident, and more attractive in the process. Here…

Continue Reading →

Mailbag: Dealing With Trigger People

A reader from Wales named Bryn wrote to me about a knockout named Becky, double standards, and the rabbit hole that is retroactive jealousy. Below, I answer his question concerning how best to deal with the potentially awkward situation of interacting with what I call “trigger people;” or, individuals associated with your partner’s past: Hello…

Continue Reading →

Obsessive Jealousy: From Coping to Healing

I recently received a very moving letter from a 46 year old reader named Shawn from the United States. It’s a bit lengthy, but well worth the read. In the letter, Shawn recounts his struggles with his wife’s past, the ebbs and flows of his journey with retroactive jealousy, cancer, multiple suicide attempts, and the…

Continue Reading →

Tips and tricks for getting past your partner’s past

I’m moved to be concise today, so here are a few scattered thoughts and insights I’ve acquired regarding relationships and retroactive jealousy. Your past is relevant. It took me a while to come around to this, but you have to consider your own sexual past and relationship history if you want to better understand your…

Continue Reading →

Read this: “The past cannot survive in your presence”

From Eckhart Tolle’s classic, The Power of Now, which I wholeheartedly recommend to all sufferers of retroactive jealousy: There is no need to go and investigate your unconscious past except as it manifests at this moment either as a thought, an emotion, a desire, a reaction, or an external event that happens in your life.…

Continue Reading →

Bumps in the road, and what success actually looks like

ORJ reader Alan sent me an update about his ongoing struggle with retroactive jealousy: Ah it was all going so well… I was feeling much better about things, hardly thinking about this ex friend with benefits and then… He got in touch again… and it transpires now that there was more to their relationship than just…

Continue Reading →

An email from hell: letting the past determine the present

A reader named Matt wrote to me about invading his partner’s privacy, his immense regret, and confusing the past with the present moment. Congratulations on the site, it’s so nice to find a whole website dedicated to this stuff. I think I read somewhere on it that you answer questions about retroactive jealousy, and i…

Continue Reading →

Watch this: “The wake doesn’t drive the ship”

I am a huge fan of the late English philosopher Alan Watts. Of the many great teachers I have encountered, few have made such a profound impact on the way I see the world, and — on my better days — the way I try to live my life. Fewer still have provided such immense…

Continue Reading →

Retroactive jealousy can be interesting.

Life is nothing but movement; change; progression; flux. Be it from one day to the next, one room to the next, the hands of the clock on the wall, or the passing of cars on the highway, our lives are defined by motion. As I write about in my guidebook, human beings are much like whirlpools;…

Continue Reading →

Retroactive jealousy, friends with benefits, and Facebook

A reader named Alan from the United States wrote to me about his lingering retroactive jealousy, and his girlfriend’s lingering connection to an ex-friend with benefits: Hey Zach, I’ve read your book and I think it’s helped me come to some kind of epiphany! Well that’s always good. It’s great at really getting you to think and…

Continue Reading →

Page 7 of 9