Putting Your Partner On A Pedestal: Why It’s a Problem [VIDEO]

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In today’s video, I discuss the issues that come with putting your partner on a pedestal and how it can affect your relationship.

Read or watch below to learn more about why putting your partner on a pedestal is not a healthy way to view your relationship.

Zachary Stockill: Over the years, I’ve noticed that many people who struggle with retroactive jealousy tend to put their partner on a pedestal. In today’s video, I’ll explain why this is a problem.

My name is Zachary Stockill, and since 2013, I’ve been helping men and women worldwide overcome retroactive jealousy and save their relationships.

If you’d like to work with me one-on-one or want more information about what I do, please click here.

For those here for the first time, retroactive jealousy refers to unwanted intrusive thoughts and obsessive curiosity about your partner’s past relationships or sexual history.

It often involves what I call “mental movies” of these past experiences.

You might experience one of those symptoms or all three. That’s what retroactive jealousy is, and many people who struggle with it, especially men, tend to put their partner on a pedestal.

Often, a relationship begins this way. They meet an incredible woman and think, “Oh my God, she’s perfect, she can do no wrong, and she’s an angel.”

He holds her up as an icon of virtue.

However, it’s important to stay grounded.

But she’s not perfect. No one is perfect, and no relationship is perfect.

She has flaws and imperfections, and I’m sure she has her own skeletons and monsters in her closet, just like the rest of us.

Take your time and move slowly in the relationship.

Don’t put her on a pedestal. Also, remember that using the word “perfect” tends to keep people at a distance.

In other words, if you use the word “perfect” or believe that someone or something is perfect, you can’t truly appreciate all of who they are.

You may also encourage them to put up a front. If they sense that you think they are perfect, some people—unlike me in my past—will want to maintain that illusion.

They might hide things here and there and choose not to share certain details that they should because they feel, “Wow, this person thinks I’m perfect, and I don’t want to disappoint them.”

Ultimately, I believe that dating should be about trying to determine if there is a good fit between you and the other person.

Do they fit with me? Are we compatible? It’s not about figuring out if you’re a good person or if I’m a good person. It’s simply about determining if there’s a good fit.

In this process, you want people to be honest.

You want them to be open about their flaws, shortcomings, and everything else.

You don’t want people to hold back.

When you view someone as perfect or treat them that way, they are likely to hold back and not share the full truth.

For those dealing with retroactive jealousy, especially men who put their partner on a pedestal, it’s important to remember that this behavior is often mistaken for romance.

They often believe it’s romantic to idealize their partner, to call her perfect, or to see her as a virtuous angel who can do no wrong.

There’s a part of them that sees this as romantic.

I won’t judge anyone else’s definition of romance, but for me, it feels much more romantic to know someone’s flaws, shortcomings, and triumphs.

And to appreciate their victories and defeats, as well as everything in between.

It’s about loving them for the whole picture, accepting their entire self—not just the pretty parts, the nice parts, or the bits they want the world to see.

It means loving all their ugliness, shortcomings, and flaws too.

Maybe you can’t love them completely, but you can at least accept them without criticizing them for their flaws and imperfections.

I believe it’s much more romantic to love the whole real person rather than an idealized version of someone who doesn’t really exist.

It’s far more romantic to understand who someone is in their entirety and love them that way.

Finally, if you find yourself struggling with the urge to put people on a pedestal, take some time to reflect on yourself.

Consider how you would feel if someone held you to an impossible standard. Think about how it would feel if someone believed you were perfect and was just waiting for you to make a mistake.

Consider how you would feel if someone was always supplicating to you.

Think about how it would feel if someone loved you only partially.

If they said they loved you but really only appreciated certain aspects of you that you chose to show at that moment, it would be disheartening.

Now think about how it would feel to be loved despite all your flaws, mistakes, and everything you’ve done in the past that might not have been the best.

Think about how it would feel to be loved for your entire self, and compare that to someone loving you only for the parts they think are perfect.

If you reflect deeply on this idea, you will likely realize that you don’t want to put others on a pedestal because you wouldn’t want to be in that position yourself.

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