Retroactive Jealousy And Relationship Damage: How to Fix It [VIDEO]

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In today’s video, I’ll talk about retroactive jealousy and relationship damage.

Read on or watch below to learn more about retroactive jealousy and relationship damage–and how to start repairing it.

 Zachary Stockill: If you are struggling with this very strange disorder that we call retroactive jealousy, unfortunately, chances are good you’re doing a lot of damage to your relationship.

Maybe you’ve done damage to your relationship in the past.

At the very least, you risk damaging your relationship as you move forward.

If you feel like you have done some damage to your relationship as a result of retroactive jealousy, fear not.

In today’s video, I’ll talk about how to start repairing some of the damage to your relationship that retroactive jealousy may have caused.

My name is Zachary Stockill and since 2013 I’ve been helping men and women from all over the world overcome retroactive jealousy and save their relationships.

If you’d like to connect with me, work with me one on one, or you’d just like more information about my work, please visit this link.

As you might already be aware, I’ve been addressing the issue of retroactive jealousy since 2013.

For over a decade, I’ve worked with more than a thousand one-on-one coaching clients, hearing every possible story about retroactive jealousy you could imagine.

Retroactive jealousy sufferers can cause significant harm to their relationships. This often manifests as bombarding their partner with questions, shaming them for their past, or even becoming emotionally abusive due to their partner’s history.

Such jealousy can drive a wedge between partners, leading to hurt feelings and problematic situations.

Even if the person with retroactive jealousy doesn’t voice their concerns or question their partner about their past, the tension can still often be felt.

Partners may sense a growing distance, a pullback that diminishes the closeness and joy they once shared.

It’s important to note, especially for those new to the term, that retroactive jealousy refers to the experience of invasive thoughts, an obsessive curiosity, and distressing mental scenarios about a partner’s past relationships.

You might not be aware, but I am a former sufferer of retroactive jealousy myself.

A long time ago, when I was grappling with this perplexing disorder, I inflicted considerable damage on my relationship—a regret that lingers because of the pain I caused that person. It’s not a pleasant memory.

If you’re struggling with retroactive jealousy and worry that you might be harming your relationship, you’ll likely find value in staying to watch the rest of this video.

So how to start repairing relationship damage caused by retroactive jealousy?

First and foremost, it’s clear that to overcome this issue, you must take action. Begin by gathering the necessary information, perspectives, and tools to get a grip on the problem.

Addressing and solving this problem starts with fully owning it. This doesn’t imply that your partner is flawless or has never made mistakes.

It’s essential to acknowledge that overcoming this problem begins with you.

You need to take the initiative to gather the necessary information, perspectives, and tools to get a handle on the issue.

Owning the problem completely is the first step to solving it. This isn’t to suggest that your partner is without fault, but rather to emphasize that for any change to occur in life, we must take full responsibility.

Your partner cannot fix this issue for you, regardless of their love and support. The solution lies with you alone.

Therefore, take action:

• Book that therapy session
• Read the relevant books
• Enroll in a course
• Schedule a call with a coach or someone who understands this problem well.

At the very least, begin by trying new approaches to gain control over this issue as quickly as possible.

To save your relationship and minimize further harm, it’s crucial to ‘stop the bleeding.’ This means pinpointing the behaviors that are detrimental to your relationship.

Identify the actions that are causing more distance between you and your partner and making matters worse. It’s worth noting that often in life, the first step to solving a problem is to cease what isn’t working.

Firstly, it’s crucial to identify the behaviors that are not helping your relationship and make a conscious effort to stop them.

I often hear from individuals who describe how retroactive jealousy is damaging their relationships, and they offer excuses like being unable to control themselves, emotionally abusing their partner, or bombarding them with endless questions.

It’s essential to acknowledge these issues and work diligently to change them.

I understand, perhaps better than anyone, the immense challenge of resolving and overcoming this issue. I truly do.

However, there’s no justification for relinquishing your power by claiming helplessness or saying you can’t control your words and actions. You certainly can.

As an adult, you have the capability to manage your behavior. Therefore, it’s imperative not to place the burden of solving this problem on your partner.

Avoid creating more conflicts or drama, and focus on stopping any further damage right away.

If you’re actively trying new ways to tackle the problem and have stopped doing what’s not working, the next step is to remember what originally drew you to your partner, and what drew them to you.

Consider what sparked the connection between you and your partner. What was the foundation of that initial attraction, intrigue, and chemistry?

Think broadly about this. It’s often the case that the qualities that draw two people together at the start can sustain the relationship over the long term.

Perhaps it was shared interests, a mutual dedication to personal growth, or a desire for deeper intimacy. Whatever it was, try to recall what attracted you to your partner initially.

Reflect on how you can bring more of that initial energy into your relationship more frequently.

The key is to recall what initially brought you and your partner together and begin to create opportunities to rekindle that energy.

I’ll discuss how you can bring back some of that initial spark into your relationship.

Additionally, although it may be challenging when dealing with retroactive jealousy, it’s important to try to have more fun.

Retroactive jealousy can lead to a lot of heavy conversations, depression, anxiety, nasty fights, and deep questions about the past, and sometimes the present and future.

It’s important to do your best to live in the now. We can’t predict what will happen in the next five minutes, let alone five years.

What’s most important, I believe, is to create and seize more opportunities to live fully in the present and have a good time. Enjoy yourself.

Try to set aside your worries about your partner’s past occasionally, even if it’s just for a few hours now and then, or perhaps for half a day, or even an entire day.

We can’t predict the future, so it’s important to live in the present and look for ways to enjoy life. Fun can mean different things to different people.

For me, it’s playing guitar, jamming with friends, watching documentaries, or going to the beach, often with my partner.

Your idea of fun, and what you and your partner enjoy together, might be similar or different.

But whatever it is that brings you joy, both individually and as a couple, whether it was the same 10 years ago or has evolved to now, make an effort to have more fun.

Plan and set aside time specifically for enjoyment.

It’s fine to have concerns about your partner’s past or to worry about the future. That’s completely natural.

However, try to give yourself a break from these thoughts, even if it’s just for an hour or two. Allow yourself the permission to not dwell on these concerns for a little while.

I’m not suggesting that you’re intentionally fixating on your partner’s past, but many who struggle with retroactive jealousy often find themselves caught up in questions like, “Does the past matter?”

If you’re grappling with questions like “Does their past matter?” or “Are we compatible long term?” and similar concerns, it’s important to occasionally give yourself permission to set these questions aside and simply enjoy the moment.

So there you have it—a few thoughts on beginning to repair the relationship damage that can result from retroactive jealousy.

If you are currently struggling with retroactive jealousy, you can click here to sign up for my premium course, “Get Over Your Partner’s Past Fast.”

Or if you need more help, then you can consider signing up for one-on-one coaching with me. [Subject to availability]