Retroactive Jealousy and Religion: Connection? [VIDEO]

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In today’s video, I discuss the connection between retroactive jealousy and religion.

Read or watch the video below to explore further.

Zachary Stockill: Is there a connection between retroactive jealousy—intrusive thoughts about your partner’s past—and religion?

That’s the question I’ll be exploring in today’s video.

I’m Zachary Stockill, and since 2013, I’ve helped thousands of people from around the world overcome retroactive jealousy and strengthen their relationships.

If you’d like to learn more about my work, you can click here.

For those who are new here, “retroactive jealousy” refers to unwanted intrusive thoughts and obsessive curiosity.

It often includes “mental movies” about your partner’s past relationships, dating history, or sexual experiences.

You might experience just one of these symptoms, or you might deal with all three, but in a nutshell, that’s what retroactive jealousy is.

A question I often get is whether there’s a connection between retroactive jealousy and someone’s religious background.

My answer, which might frustrate some of you, is that it’s complicated.

The short answer is that sometimes I do think there’s a connection, but definitely not always.

Let me explain.

Since 2013, I’ve worked with thousands of people from around the world dealing with retroactive jealousy.

I’ve worked one-on-one with hundreds of them, often in-depth.

Around 30 to 40% of the people who come to me struggling with retroactive jealousy come from what I’d describe as fairly conservative religious backgrounds.

Many are Muslim, often from places like the UAE or Lebanon. I also work with a significant number of conservative Hindus, typically based in the US, UK, and occasionally India.

I’ve also worked with a number of conservative Christians, mainly in the U.S. over the years.

In those cases, everyone’s experience is different, but I believe their conservative religious background influences their retroactive jealousy.

This is because retroactive jealousy is often, at least partially, a byproduct of a person’s values.

Our values are often shaped by our childhood, early upbringing, and sometimes our religious background or beliefs. Many of these religious values may have been instilled in us at a very young age.

I often encourage people to take the time to understand where their values and beliefs actually come from.

Did your values come from your parents? Your social circle? Your friends? Maybe even your high school?

Or perhaps they stem from your religious education or the religious household you grew up in?

To be clear, religion is a deeply personal matter, and it’s certainly not my place to suggest that anyone should change their religion or anything of the sort.

That’s certainly not my goal in today’s video—I’m not interested in that at all.

However, if you’re wondering whether your experience of retroactive jealousy is connected to your religious beliefs, the answer is probably yes.

It’s important to take the time to understand where your religious beliefs come from and, most importantly, whether they are truly serving you.

To be clear, I’m not saying that you or anyone watching this video should abandon their religious beliefs.

However, I do think it’s important to at least question where those beliefs came from and consider whether they’re actually serving you moving forward.

Some people believe that every experience of retroactive jealousy is influenced or at least shaped by a person’s religious beliefs.

For example, many Catholics grow up with strict ideas about sex, morality, and virginity. Similarly, many Hindus and Muslims are raised with conservative religious beliefs.

As a result, it’s not surprising that some people might struggle with retroactive jealousy later in life, especially in 2024, when premarital sex and similar behaviors are more common.

However, retroactive jealousy is not always tied to religious beliefs. For example, I didn’t grow up in a particularly religious household, I don’t have strong religious beliefs, and yet I once struggled with this strange disorder.

In fact, I’d estimate that 60 to 70 percent of the clients I work with one-on-one don’t have strong religious beliefs, didn’t grow up in conservative religious households, and didn’t receive formal religious training.

If you think retroactive jealousy is entirely a result of your religious beliefs, that’s probably not true.

In some cases, I believe retroactive jealousy is almost completely irrational.

In other words, there may be no actual conflict of values between you and your partner.

There might be a lot of “smoke,” but there’s no actual “fire” when it comes to your partner’s past. In other words, it’s not truly significant—there aren’t any glaring red flags to worry about.

In many cases, retroactive jealousy is, more or less, purely irrational.

If you’re dealing with what I call values-based retroactive jealousy—where you believe there might be serious value conflicts between you and your partner—those feelings could partly stem from your religious beliefs.

However, many people I work with experience these perceived value conflicts, or imagine there’s a gap between their values and their partner’s, even when religion isn’t a factor at all.

I’d caution against anyone claiming that retroactive jealousy is always or entirely about religion, because that’s simply not true.

For many people, their values may partly stem from their religion or religious background, but values typically don’t come from just one source.

Your values can come from many sources, like your school, education, parents, family, friends, social media, or social environment, and so on.

Whether you’re religious or not, it’s important to understand where your values are coming from—or where they came from—and consider whether they’re truly serving you moving forward.

If you’d like more information about my work, or you’d like to work with me one on one, please visit this page.