Retroactive Jealousy At Work: How to Deal With It [VIDEO]

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In today’s video, I speak about retroactive jealousy at work, and maintaining productivity and focus on your professional responsibilities.

Read or watch below to learn more about dealing with retroactive jealousy at work.

Zachary Stockill: If you’re a retroactive jealousy sufferer, unfortunately, unwanted intrusive thoughts about your partner’s past can attack at any time, sometimes even when you have things to get done or even when you’re at work.

So, in today’s video, I will present some tips for dealing with an unwanted retroactive jealousy attack when you’re at work.

My name is Zachary Stockill. Since 2013, I’ve been working with men and women worldwide, helping them overcome retroactive jealousy and save their relationships.

If you’d like more information about my work, you can visit this link.

Before we get into it, a quick note for the people here for the first time: the term retroactive jealousy refers to unwanted intrusive thoughts, often obsessive curiosity, and what I call “mental movies” about your partner’s past relationships or sexual history.

And as I mentioned at the top of this video, unfortunately, retroactive jealousy can sometimes attack when you’re at your job.

So I received an email or a comment that I remember from a viewer on this channel, which we’ll call Lee. Lee writes:

“I’m having a little trouble refocusing my thoughts as I get most of them at work. Refocusing by doing something else is difficult, as I need to do my job.

So I can’t stop playing a game, playing guitar, or calling a friend. Do you have any tips to help me refocus in this situation?”

Number one, as I mention quite often, is that you have to understand that unwanted intrusive thoughts feed off of emotional energy.

The analogy I often use is a bully in the schoolyard. So when a bully in the schoolyard picks on some kid and calls him names, it is generally annoying.

What does that bully want? He wants to get a rise out of you, and he wants to get some kind of energy from you. He wants to get some attention.

That’s his fuel, his sustenance.

And when you start withdrawing some of this time, energy, and attention… when you ignore him, when you move away, when you distract yourself, or when you start withdrawing some of this time, energy, and attention and start responding to the bully differently…

At first, the bully might try harder, call you worse names, and try to beat you up even worse, but eventually, he will get bored and leave you alone.

Because he’s not getting what he wants. He’s not getting a reaction, and he’s not getting some kind of energy.

And it’s interesting to note that intrusive thoughts, whether they’re about your partner’s past or anything else, often function similarly. They feed off of emotional energy.

And when you start withdrawing some of that emotional energy from these thoughts, miracles truly start to happen.

So when I talk about withdrawing energy from the thoughts, what I mean is that there’s the thought, and then there’s your reaction to the thought.

So you don’t have much control over the thought popping into your head, but you have a lot of control over the emotional energy you expend–or not–in reaction to the thought.

Step one of withdrawing that emotional energy from intrusive thoughts is to simply acknowledge that you don’t like this thought, and that’s okay.

That’s life.

We all have a million thoughts daily; some are good, some are bad, and some are indifferent. Some may even be painful.

You can’t control the thoughts popping into your head, but you can manage your reaction.

And part of that is simply to make peace with the fact that “I don’t love this thought.”

And that’s okay. That’s life.

Permit yourself to accept that “I don’t love this thought or any thought about my partner’s past.” That’s okay.

Taking a moment to breathe, coming to terms with it, and acknowledging ‘I’m not fond of dwelling on my partner’s history’—a sentiment many share—doesn’t make you an outlier or beyond help.

It certainly doesn’t spell doom for your situation. Embracing this discomfort with certain thoughts can significantly reduce the intensity of emotional responses you’ve previously felt compelled to offer to those unwelcome intrusions.

Now, the whole topic of dealing with intrusive thoughts and how to break some of those patterns is a big topic. I go into great detail in depth in my online course, “Get Over Your Partner’s Past Fast.”

Obviously, a five-minute video is not going to solve this problem entirely. But here are some more thoughts:

If you find yourself grappling with retroactive jealousy or facing a surge of unwanted intrusive thoughts while at work, you might be seeking ways to redirect your focus.

You’ve mentioned wanting to know how to refocus under such circumstances. An alternative approach, which can prove to be just as, if not more, effective, involves intensifying your concentration on the task before you.

Rather than attempting to shift your attention away, consider diving deeper into your current activity, enhancing your level of focus on it.

Zen Buddhists, which is a school of Buddhism in East Asia, Korea, China, and Japan, stipulate that any activity a human performs can be used as an opportunity for mindfulness.

Now, mindfulness is another big topic. Mindfulness means heightened, intense awareness of the present moment.

Recording a mindful YouTube video is something I take pride in; I find that I can fully immerse myself in the process.

Similarly, during a coaching call—like the one I had just last night—I find it easy to maintain mindfulness, giving my complete attention to the individual I’m advising.

This level of focus isn’t limited to professional settings; it’s achievable in everyday activities, too.

For instance, when you walk your dog in the park, you can absorb yourself wholly in the experience, dedicating your focus entirely to the moment.

So, using this example of taking your dog for a walk in the park, take your time and feel how your feet feel on the ground. Listen to the dogs’ barks off in the distance as you walk.

Notice the sensation of the wind caressing your face, observe the myriad hues in the forest during your walk or the vibrant colors of cars passing by on the street, and be mindful of your dog’s energy and joy.

Train your sensory awareness to continually increase. Try to become more and more focused, opening up your sensory awareness and opening up all five of your senses.

In any particular moment, it’ll enhance your experience of whichever moment you’re experiencing.

So, in other words, that walk in the park with your dog will become more enjoyable, relaxing, the more you heighten your sensory awareness.

And it can also help when you’re struggling with thinking about things, and maybe you don’t want to think about them. So let’s say you’re at work; I don’t know what you do for work.

But no matter what you’re doing, try to heighten your sensory awareness in each and every moment.

So pay attention to how the room smells and feels or, if you’re outside, how outside smells and feels.

And whichever task you’re doing. Whether you’re working in an office, working outside, working on an oil rig, whatever you’re doing, wherever in the world you are, just take every moment as an opportunity to increase your sensory awareness.

The sights will become more vivid when you do this, the smells will become nicer, you’ll get a more tactile appreciation of your desk or your work or whatever, and you’ll probably get more satisfaction out of your work than where you continually almost like a meditation.

Continuously enhancing your sensory awareness is crucial. This area, encompassing mindfulness and meditation, represents a significant and expansive topic.

If you’d like more information about that topic, I have many guided meditations, which you can check out by clicking this link. I’ve got all kinds of videos on that.

Check out mindfulness and meditation and bring that spirit, energy, and practice into your job, and it’ll definitely help you out.

Aside from all that, ensure you always have lists on hand and keep a list handy. Personally, I have lists for all kinds of things.

I maintain a variety of lists to organize my tasks and goals. Daily, I have a list for recording videos, among other activities.

My organization extends to weekly, monthly, and even quarterly tasks, each with its own list detailing what needs to be accomplished.

Beyond work, I have lists of books I want to read, podcasts I’m interested in, personal errands, and shopping.

I’m quite fond of using lists to stay organized, a practice that can also be beneficial in the workplace.

So if you find yourself in a moment, bored or uninspired or thinking about things you don’t want to think about, pull out your list as it applies to you, whichever list is relevant in this situation.

And just start checking off, you know, whatever tasks still need to be completed. Always make sure you have a reason to occupy your brain.

Ensure you always have a focal point that isn’t tied to your partner’s past. Incorporating lists into your workplace routine can be useful for this purpose.

And finally, very briefly, I’ve mentioned on this channel and elsewhere, don’t forget the BB technique that will also help you now.

Training your breath training your body to relax in certain moments can also be very helpful when you’re trying to shake unwanted intrusive thoughts at work.

If you’re struggling with retroactive jealousy and you’d like a quick and easy way to get started overcoming it as quickly as possible, you might be interested in signing up for my free four-part video mini-course I’ve recorded four free videos.

They’re all free; you can unsubscribe at any time or sign up for the free video mini-course, and I’ll send you all four videos over the course of one week.

If you’d like more information about my work or you’d like to work with me one-on-one, please visit this page.

And be sure you’re subscribed to my YouTube channel as well to be notified of new videos.