In today’s video, I’m going to recommend five books which I believe every male retroactive jealousy sufferer should read.
So: what are my top-5 recommended retroactive jealousy books for men?
Zachary Stockill: The first book I’d like to recommend is by Dr. Robert Glover. It’s called No More Mr. Nice Guy.
If you’re familiar with my podcast, you’ll know that I’ve been lucky enough to have Dr. Glover on my podcast several times. Long before I actually connected with him and met him, I was a fan of his book.
And it would take me a long time to go into all the aspects of what nice guy syndrome is, why being a “nice guy” can be a bad thing…
The short answer of it is, nice guys think they can get ahead in the world by being nice to everyone and they think they can get all their needs met without voicing and articulating those needs.
Dr. Glover says that “Nice Guys” often employ a strategy of covert contracts to get what they want. And then shockingly, they don’t usually get what they want because no one’s aware of the terms of these covert contracts that these nice guys are continually putting out into the world.
Personally, I resisted reading this book for a long time. I’d heard about this book for a while. It was kind of on my radar. And I thought it would be valuable for me to read it just on behalf of my coaching clients, to get more familiar with them.
But I put it off. “I’m not a nice guy, I don’t need this book.” And then I read the book and I saw way more of myself in there than I was particularly comfortable with. And this shouldn’t surprise you and it shouldn’t have surprised me because one thing I’ve noticed is that male retroactive jealousy sufferers are particularly prone to nice guy syndrome.
They think being nice is the way to get ahead in life and there are all these unspoken expectations. In fact, it’s really nasty.
So years ago, I started recommending No More Mr. Nice Guy to many of my male coaching clients, as well as male students taking my online course, Get Over Your Partner’s Past Fast. Many of these people have found No More Mr. Nice Guy helpful.
So if you’re struggling with retroactive jealousy, I strongly encourage you to look at, No More Mr. Nice Guy.
The second retroactive jealousy book for men I’ll recommend is one of the top five most impactful books I’ve ever read. It’s called The Way of the Superior Man by David Deida.
This book doesn’t have a lot to do with jealousy, doesn’t have a ton to do with nice guy syndrome, although it’s connected in some ways.
The Way of the Superior Man is David Deida’s thesis on how to get what you want from women. How to get what you want out of your work life. And how to figure out what you want from the world as a man.
How to assert yourself more and how to have a better relationship with your wife or girlfriend, to have more sex with your partner. It’s a tremendous book. It can be a bit, for lack of a better term, “new age,” or “spiritual” in certain sections, and that might put off some of you watching this, but it’s a great read.
I think it goes well with my work on retroactive jealousy and all the advice that I offer on this channel.
I highly recommend you read The Way of the Superior Man. It’s good to read this in tandem with Overcoming Retroactive Jealousy because it can help you formulate a grander vision for your life, get you thinking about what you want out of life, and put your retroactive jealousy in perspective.
It’s difficult to be consumed by retroactive jealousy when you’re busy putting together a real mission and vision for your life.
The third book I’m recommending is Meditations by Marcus Aurelius.
Marcus Aurelius was a Roman emperor, something like 2500 years ago. He’s one of the founders of the Stoic school of philosophy. Marcus Aurelius didn’t actually plan on releasing “Meditations” to the public or publishing it. It’s assumed that he was simply writing all these notes to himself.
He writes all these great aphorisms and ways to deal with the challenges of the world and how to deal with your own thoughts and get yourself out of negative thinking. How to realize what’s inside and outside of your control.
I return to it at least once a year. I’m always going back and making notes and reflecting on it. It’s just a wonderful reality check when the world starts feeling overwhelming. It’s been particularly useful to me in the midst of this pandemic craziness going on.
The fourth retroactive jealousy book for men I’ll recommend is particularly useful for any man who might be struggling with the question of the values of his partner.
In other words, if you’re a male retroactive jealousy sufferer and you’re struggling with the question of whether or not your partner shares your values, whether or not your partner might be a suitable long-term mate, The Tactical Guide to Women by Dr. Shawn T. Smith is great. I was fortunate enough to have Dr. Smith on my podcast. We had a great conversation and if the title puts you off a little bit, it shouldn’t.
Dr. Smith is a fan of women. He’s not one of these misogynists or in these crazy toxic men’s communities. The book is a good presentation of what to look for in a potential long-term partner and what to watch out for. If you want to avoid a train wreck divorce, if you want to avoid making a real mess out of your relationship life, it’s a great read.
He’s a good writer, and it presents a clear vision of things you should be looking for as a man when you’re making that choice to settle down with someone or maybe to marry someone. This book is particularly useful for any man who’s struggling with the question of whether or not his partner shares his values.
And finally, I believe my guidebook Overcoming Retroactive Jealousy is a good read for any retroactive jealousy sufferer. Many men, in particular, tell me they find the book extremely helpful.
And I also wrote a nice complement to that book called The Overcoming Jealousy Workbook which is a series of writing exercises and journaling prompts for any jealousy sufferer, to quickly get a handle on their problem, start making progress, start letting their jealousy go.