In today’s video, I’m going to share two often overlooked recipes for healing from retroactive jealousy.

So: why could your own retroactive jealousy community be valuable?

Zachary Stockill: These two often overlooked aspects for healing from retroactive jealousy are community and accountability.

People are often embarrassed when it comes to struggling with an issue like retroactive jealousy and obsessive jealousy. When I was dealing with this, I was extremely embarrassed and secretive. I didn’t want anyone to know that I was going through this. And so that resulted in years of suffering in silence.

I was alone struggling in the dark with this issue.

All those years ago, the internet was a complete wasteland. There was very little information about this topic. No one talking openly and putting their real name and face out there attaching themselves to this issue. So it was a very lonely time to be struggling with this issue.

Anyone watching this video in 2021, or in the years after, you’re lucky. You’re lucky because the Internet has exploded with information and resources relating to retroactive jealousy. And there are communities out there where you can share your feelings or you can ask for feedback.

Retroactive Jealousy Community

There are all kinds of resources available out there that can be so helpful with the retroactive jealousy community.

Since 2014, I’ve hosted a private Facebook discussion. It’s invite-only with literally hundreds of retroactive jealousy survivors from around the world. But frankly, what I see in a lot of these groups is no accountability and complete victim mindsets. People spinning their wheels into the ground and dirt endlessly rather than making real progress and moving on from this issue.

There’s not a lot of mentors, groups, and people offering a lot of constructive advice.

And I am not interested in facilitating people with a victim mindset. If you sign up to work with me, if you join my secret group and my course, you’re going to be held accountable. You’re going to have people who will be very honest with you, and you will feel inspired and motivated to grow, move forward past this horrible issue of retroactive jealousy.

Everyone in the group understands what you’re going through. Many of us know what we need to do to heal. And if you’re still talking about the same issues, years and years later, you probably won’t get as much sympathy as you’d get in some of these other more victim-based groups.

When you’re seeking out a retroactive jealousy community, be mindful of the community you’re seeking. Remember, you’re the average of the five people you spend the most time with.

This includes a lot of the people you’re probably dealing with online spending a lot of your day talking to. So be selective about seeking a community when it comes to this issue. Seek a community, find people who are making progress and putting in the work to beat this, rather than just complaining endlessly.

Don’t surround yourself with victims.

The second element is accountability. If you find that community of people and you’re working toward any sort of shared goal, be sure that you’re being held accountable and you’re holding others accountable to some extent.

I’m talking about focusing on taking action, ownership of the problem, rather than projecting it on other people realizing that you are your own salvation when it comes to this and any issue in life because no one can do the work for you.

Retroactive Jealousy Community

So find people who won’t be afraid to tell you what you may not want to hear.

If you want to make millions and millions of dollars and get massive YouTube followings, a great way to do that is to keep telling your audience what they want to hear. Keep churning out red meat to never sort of upset the applecart. Never say anything or offer a thought that might disturb their preconceived notions about the world.

I’m a little different. I feel a tremendous responsibility to be blunt and honest with my audience to be blunt and coaching clients. I’ve been doing this for too long. I know what works and what doesn’t.

So when you’re seeking out a community, be sure to seek out people who are going to hold you accountable. People who are not just going to stroke your ego or tell you what you want to hear.

Find people you can really look up to. People who have their act together. And do your best is to seek them out and spend some time with them.

Ask them questions, offer value in return. Above all, don’t merely suffer in silence for years. If you’re interested, there are all kinds of resources available to you. You can join my group, you can join someone else’s group. Don’t overlook the importance of community and accountability.

When it comes to healing from this issue of retroactive jealousy, I see a lot of people doing it. And over the years I’ve learned firsthand how incredibly liberating and beneficial it can be to seek out a community that will hold you accountable when it comes to this issue.

Zachary Stockill
Zachary Stockill

Hi! I'm a Canadian author and educator whose work has been featured in BBC News, BBC Radio 4, The Huffington Post, and many other publications. I'm the founder of, the author of Overcoming Retroactive Jealousy and The Overcoming Jealousy Workbook, and the host of Humans in Love podcast.