In today’s video, I’m going to talk about how you can define and specify the goal of beating retroactive jealousy for good as soon as possible.

Read on to learn more about how to approach retroactive jealousy goals.

Zachary Stockill: One of the main mistakes people make when they set goals is not being specific enough. And I think one of the major reasons that I’ve accomplished so many of my goals this year is because I’ve become increasingly specific about the goals that I want to achieve and what I’m willing to exchange in order to get what I want, to achieve those goals.

Now, for some areas in life, this process can be relatively simple.

For example, let’s say you set the goal that you want to lose weight in the new year. You can’t just say, “I want to lose weight” because that’s incredibly vague, that’s not specific. Do you want to lose 1, 10, or 30 pounds? Be specific about your goals. Similarly, you can’t set a specific goal without being very clear and specific about exactly what you’re willing to exchange for that goal.

Let’s say your goal is, “on May 1, 2022, I will weigh 195 pounds”. Underneath that, you can write things like, “I’m going to sign up for a gym membership and go to the gym at least four times per week. I’m going to do 30 minutes of cardio and 30 minutes of weight training at least x number of times per week. I will track and count my calories using a handy little app on my smartphone, write a grocery list every week, and only buy groceries that are going to support me in my journey towards weight loss.”

retroactive jealousy goals

Be very specific about exactly what you’re willing to exchange in order to achieve your goal. But how can you measure your progress when your goal is a little more abstract? Let’s say your goal is overcoming retroactive jealousy in 2022. I got this idea from a mentor of mine named Caleb Jones, and it’s very useful. The idea is, even if your goal is somewhat abstract, such as overcoming retroactive jealousy, assign a numeric value to where you are now and where you want to be in the future.

So, how will you achieve your retroactive jealousy goals?

Years ago, I remember well how it felt to struggle with retroactive jealousy on a daily basis. When I woke up in the morning, my then-girlfriend’s past, was the first thought I had. And when I went to bed at night, it was the last thing I was thinking about.

If this sounds like you, I know exactly how you feel.

So let’s say you’re really in the thick of it with retroactive jealousy; on a scale from 1 to 10, you give yourself a 9, almost at the extreme end of retroactive jealousy. The way to set your goal for the new year is, “By February 1, my retroactive jealousy is 4 out of 10, rather than 9 out of 10.” This isn’t scientific, obviously. You can’t measure something like that very specifically using a number that’s very measured and exact. But you get the idea. You can probably imagine how a 4 out of 10 experience of retroactive jealousy might feel compared to a 9 out of 10.

Chances are good that your retroactive jealousy has not remained constant. During the time you’ve been struggling, you might have days where “maybe I’m at a one or a two or three out of ten.” And then, you know, the next day, you’re at an eight, because you encounter a certain trigger. And then it goes down to maybe a five or a six, and then to a three.

People who put in the work, get results fast, sometimes in as little as two weeks.

Next, you want to think about what you’re going to exchange in order to achieve that goal. Some examples, “I’m going to sign up for a coaching call, either with Zach or someone else, or perhaps a therapy appointment. I’m going to talk to my doctor about getting on a certain kind of medication. I will start a journaling practice, read a new book, sign up for a gym membership…” Exercise is really useful when you’re trying to beat this. There are all kinds of steps that you can take and if you want an easy, simple, very straightforward, and totally free way to get started, you can click start here.

retroactive jealousy goals

You can join my free mini-course, this is a free four-part video mini-course that I put together on getting started overcoming retroactive jealousy. The point is to start thinking clearly about what you’re going to exchange in order to get what you want. So if your goal for the new year is overcoming retroactive jealousy, that’s a fantastic goal. You have no idea how great your life will get once you start beating this thing.

And spend some time right now thinking about what you’re going to exchange for the accomplishment of your retroactive jealousy goals. How you can specifically measure your progress toward that goal and how it’s going to feel if you don’t accomplish your goal.

What are the benefits you’re going to experience in your life? How is your relationship going to improve? How is your sleep and social life going to improve? Think hard about exactly why this goal is worthwhile and write that down as well.

It’s very important and useful to conjure up as many charged emotions as you can when you visualize the completion of that goal. Here are all kinds of resources to help you get started.

Zachary Stockill
Zachary Stockill

Hi! I'm a Canadian author and educator whose work has been featured in BBC News, BBC Radio 4, The Huffington Post, and many other publications. I'm the founder of, the author of Overcoming Retroactive Jealousy and The Overcoming Jealousy Workbook, and the host of Humans in Love podcast.