In today’s video, I’m going to prove to you that if you’re struggling with retroactive or obsessive jealousy, it’s actually a blessing in disguise.

So, why retroactive jealousy is actually an opportunity?

Zachary Stockill: The phrase “blessing in disguise” is thrown around a lot by people when someone’s going through a tough time. And frankly, when you hear this phrase, it isn’t always true.

100% of cases are a blessing in disguise if you handle it properly.

So first off, let’s start with the basics. If we’re going to separate retroactive jealousy into two main categories, there would be irrational retroactive jealousy and rational retroactive jealousy.

By irrational retroactive jealousy, I’m talking to probably 90% of the people watching this video. And the people who have invested in my work over the years, bought my course, sign up for coaching with me, people who I’ve worked with one on one, these people are struggling with often completely illogical, unnecessary curiosity. Intrusive thoughts and highly charged emotional responses around their partner’s past relationships or sexual history.

There are no deal-breakers in their partner’s past and nothing serious in their partner’s past that would justify their feelings and emotions in the present.

While rational retroactive jealousy are people struggling because they get the real sense, often with a lot of evidence that there are genuine red flags in their partner’s past. Their partner demonstrated a consistent pattern of behavior that demonstrates a big clash of values between the sufferer and their partner that represents a glaring red flag. All of which could spell doom for the relationship moving forward and indicates a potentially serious conflict in values.

Why retroactive jealousy is an opportunity?

Regardless of what kind of retroactive jealousy you’re struggling with, it will be a blessing in disguise. As long as you take the time, effort, attention, energy to actually handle it.

So let’s tackle irrational retroactive jealousy first. If you invest in getting this problem handled and if you take action. You will be a completely new person by emerging from this experience,

In my own experience, I am not the same man today as I was back when I was struggling with retroactive jealousy. I don’t have the same kind of relationships today that I experienced back then. I have upped the expectations of my life. My life has never been better, even though it was pure hell.

Retroactive jealousy was hell, struggling with constant intrusive thoughts, mental movies, and obsessive curiosity about my girlfriend’s past.

Looking back all these years later, I am so glad I had experienced that. Because I know deep in my bones, I would not have done the work for myself had I not had that experience. And thus, my entire life would have been far, far worse. As a result, if I’d never gone through that hell years ago, there’s no way I’d be enjoying my life as much as I do today.

Since then, retroactive jealousy was painful, though absolutely necessary, a wake-up call for me as a man. And I really mean this, in a lot of ways I look at my life.

I launched back in 2013 and I’m still in touch with a lot of these people. And the feedback is just about universal. The people who actually committed to the work of healing and beating this problem for good, their lives and relationships were never the same.

Their lives and relationships are so much better today.

So the crucial takeaway here is to take ownership of your problem and put in the work to beat it. Whatever works for you, if it’s signing up for a course, going to therapy, reading books, meditating in a cave for 10 years, whatever it is, commit to beating this problem.

In the years to come looking at your life before and after retroactive jealousy, you will notice how much better things are now.

Now this problem is in the rearview mirror. Most people never get that wake-up call that they need. So many people sleepwalk through their entire lives, and the only kind of raise their head and realize years have passed already without any growth and change.

Again, why retroactive jealousy is actually an opportunity?

Mediocre is not good, a mediocre life and relationship are not quite good enough. Retroactive jealousy is certainly a wake-up call that you need.

Let’s tackle the 10% of people who were struggling with rational retroactive jealousy. For these people struggling with m rational retroactive jealousy, if they reach the conclusion that their partner’s past is a deal-breaker, that there are serious glaring red flags in their partner’s past that they need to be aware of because their values are not the same as their partner’s values. And they’ve thus avoided all that chaos, drama, hardship, nightmare, divorce, nightmare, custody battle because they saw genuine red flags, they made the right choice.

They cut the relationship short, and they went out to find someone who better shares their values. Again, how can you argue that isn’t a blessing in disguise. So what I’m saying is, regardless of whatever specific type of retroactive jealousy you’re suffering with, if you put in the work to really get a handle on this problem, your life will never be the same.

This is the wake-up call, you probably need. very soon.

Zachary Stockill
Zachary Stockill

Hi! I'm a Canadian author and educator whose work has been featured in BBC News, BBC Radio 4, The Huffington Post, and many other publications. I'm the founder of, the author of Overcoming Retroactive Jealousy and The Overcoming Jealousy Workbook, and the host of Humans in Love podcast.