In today’s video, I’m going to talk about a dangerous pitfall that you should avoid as you work to overcome retroactive jealousy.

So, what are the best ways to work toward a retrospective jealousy cure?

Zachary Stockill: Before I get into it, I’d like to remind you that I just released my brand new audio series for overcoming retroactive jealousy. It’s called Overcoming Retroactive Jealousy: The Guided Meditations. A series of step-by-step guided meditations hosted by yours truly. Confronting each of the different challenges posed by retroactive jealousy. They’re fully downloadable to your smartphone, laptop, tablet, etc.

I’m going to talk about something that took me years to understand, something I like to call personal development burnout.

Personal development is a pretty big deal to me. It’s something I feel extremely passionate about, both personally and professionally. I shudder to think of the man I would be today if I hadn’t started seriously investing in personal development when I was around, 17,18 or so.

I’d be a very different man, I wouldn’t be talking to you today, my life would have turned out very differently.

Retrospective Jealousy Cure

That said, there is something to be said for balance. When you are attempting any kind of personal development project, whether it’s overcoming retroactive jealousy, standard jealousy, obsessive jealousy, whether it’s working to improve your marriage or your relationship, whichever personal development project you’re currently engaged in, beware of burnout.

What do I mean by this? So sometimes I’ll get emails from people from retroactive jealousy sufferers who sign up for my online course, Get Over Your Partner’s Past Fast. They’ll say, “I want to get this handled, immediately. I’m going to watch all of the course tomorrow. I’m going to spend 12 hours watching your course tomorrow. What do you think?”

And I often respond to them, “Please don’t do that. Please don’t listen to me speak for 12 hours in one sitting. Obviously, you can approach the course however you want. But, space it out over a few days, at the very least, or maybe a week. Because a lot of this stuff, you need to give it time to really sink in. You need to give yourself time to perform the various exercises and activities which I encourage if you’re taking the course. More importantly, you don’t want to burn yourself out.”

So, if you’re approaching any kind of personal development project, give yourself time to do things that have nothing to do with personal development.

Well, what are the ways to retrospective jealousy cure?

If you are struggling with retroactive jealousy, I understand you might be going through hell right now. You might have this sick feeling in your gut most of the day. You might be stressed out, looking for answers on YouTube constantly until 4 am.

Whatever it is, I’ve been there, I get it. But you will drive yourself crazy if it becomes your overriding focus for your life 24/7.

I have done this. I think it was in my early 20s. It wasn’t related to retroactive jealousy. But, I got even more passionate about personal development. So, I would literally be reading books all day, taking online courses, audio courses, listening to podcasts, having conversations with friends about personal development, and all this stuff.

Looking back, I realized, number one, I was becoming insufferable.

I’m not sure I would have wanted to hang out with me in this period. Because although it can be great to talk to people about personal development and get feedback and share ideas if that’s all you’re talking about, you might be kind of insufferable.

Retrospective Jealousy Cure

Secondly, it wasn’t really serving me because I’m a guy with multiple interests. Some of you might know, my life has multiple components. And, if you’re spending all of your time, on personal development, you’re going to burn yourself out. You’re going to lose some of your enthusiasm for this project.

And it doesn’t actually serve you because you’re neglecting other areas of your life which are also important and which you should also be devoting some time to. So, beware of personal development burnout.

Even if you’re in the thick of retroactive jealousy and you’re actively taking steps to confront it, be sure to schedule some time for some fun too.

The more I do this work, the more I’m convinced of the utter importance of maintaining your sense of humor and having fun at the same time, as you work to confront and overcome retroactive jealousy. This will be cure for retrospective jealousy.

So be sure to schedule time for things that have nothing to do with personal development. Whether it’s sports or hanging out with your friends or having fun with your partner or whatever it is, beware of personal development burnout.

And also remember that maintaining a bit more balance in your life will actually help you achieve your personal development goals more effectively, as opposed to spending all of your time focused in one specific direction.

Zachary Stockill
Zachary Stockill

Hi! I'm a Canadian author and educator whose work has been featured in BBC News, BBC Radio 4, The Huffington Post, and many other publications. I'm the founder of, the author of Overcoming Retroactive Jealousy and The Overcoming Jealousy Workbook, and the host of Humans in Love podcast.