“Should Guys Watch Porn?” A Nuanced Perspective [VIDEO]

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In today’s video, I’m going to explore pornography in-depth and provide some food for thought when you’re struggling with intrusive thoughts and obsessive curiosity around your partner’s past relationships.

So, should guys watch porn?

Zachary Stockill: Should retroactive jealousy sufferers watch pornography? My answer is “No.”

If you’re struggling with unwanted and often violent graphic imagery or mental movies in your head, whether it’s of a sexual nature or anything else, is it a good idea to be putting more violent graphic sexual imagery into your brain? Probably not.

I am frequently astounded by how many people fail to see this connection. Most pornography the overwhelming majority are created by men for men. So it’s mostly guys who are watching porn anyway.

Sometimes I’ll have a coaching call, particularly with younger guys where they’ll start describing some of their symptoms associated with retroactive jealousy. There’s something about their girlfriend’s past often something of a sexual nature that they just can’t let go and they just they’re spinning their wheels in the mud. And midway through our conversation, I’ll ask them if they watch porn. And sometimes they’re kind of taken aback by this and they’ll kind of somewhat ashamedly say, “yeah, I watched porn”.

Some of these guys are doing it every day. But some people are watching it once or twice a week. But often these guys are watching it at least on a semi-regular basis. Obviously, this is going to fuel the nonsense in your head and charged emotional responses to certain sexual thoughts you’re having with your partner’s past.

This is going to provide you with a library of new graphic sexual imagery in your head.

Let’s say you’re picturing your partner with his or her ex vividly and graphically in your head. If this is one of your main symptoms, you are doing yourself a disservice. You’re holding back your recovery iff you’re continuously watching video pornography.

The problem with pornography goes well beyond this tiny little niche issue of retroactive jealousy.

I was having a conversation with a female friend of mine recently, and she was talking about how basically she prefers older guys in bed, guys in their 30s or 40s. And I asked her why. She told me that frequently, guys in their 20s can’t maintain their manhood during the course of a normal sort of sexual interaction. They can’t get it up and keep it up.

Should guys watch porn?

I think this is largely a problem with younger men because younger men grew up with a hardcore high definition, internet pornography that’s free, endless, and ubiquitous. It’s available to them at any time.

There’s a lot of research on the harmful effects of porn, particularly for young adolescent men. And often, these harmful effects follow them for years or even decades later.

There are all kinds of problems with the porn industry. A lot of these poor young women are terribly abused, and they’re just completely messed up for their entire lives because of their experiences in pornography.

If you search around on YouTube, you can find some really interesting videos, testimonials from male porn actors speaking out about their experiences and the harmful consequences for the viewers.

It doesn’t teach you anything about sex, about what women really want, but what real pleasure and intimacy look like. It’s completely a fantasy. These women are acting for the vast majority of women. This is not what women want at all. It’s completely divorced from reality. It’s a male fantasy created by men, for men who want money, who want to profit off of this male fantasy. So, should guys watch porn?

Porn is all about optics, there’s no real soul in this sex.

If you’re learning about sex through watching porn, you’re going to have a really messed up sex life. The women in your life are not going to enjoy sex with you nearly as much as they could have.

I absolutely love working with guys one on one, talking to them about sex, talking to them about how to have a better time in bed.

If you’re interested in overcoming retroactive jealousy and being a better lover, continuously watching porn is doing nothing but making the situation worse, it’s not going to help you out.

It’s not going to teach you anything about sex or women.

Give the porn arrest for a while. Maybe there can be a place for porn in your life at some point down the line. But particularly, if you’re in the trenches with retroactive jealousy, watching porn is doing nothing to help you. It’s doing nothing to solve your problem.

It’s only making things worse.