In today’s video, I will share a very important message for anyone who’s on the fence about getting started putting in the work toward overcoming retroactive jealousy, and approaching any kind of personal development challenge.

So, how to start beating retroactive jealousy?

Zachary Stockill: “The scariest moment is always right before you start. This quote is from the author Stephen King, who’s written many of the world’s best-selling horror novels. He wrote The Shining and many other best-selling books.

But his best book, in my less than humble opinion, is his nonfiction book called On Writing. For anyone out there pursuing anything creative, I strongly encourage you to read this book by Stephen King. And there’s this quote, “the scariest moment is always right before you start”.

This is true in so many different areas of life.

Stephen King was talking about sitting down at his desk on day one of starting a new novel. The scariest moment is always right before you start, that scary moment when it’s like, “Okay, showtime. Here we go”.

He still found this to be consistent that even though he’d been doing this for decades, the scariest moment was always right before he got to work.

This was true for me when I was struggling to start beating retroactive jealousy many years ago. Taking the steps that I needed to take whether it be going to meditation retreats, or going to a new therapist appointment, wasn’t very helpful.

Everything got easier once I started truly doing the work.

Whatever it was, the scariest moment was always right before I started. This happened to me today. So earlier today, I recorded a live Q&A session on YouTube. I was looking forward to doing it. I’d done one before, which went well, and I was excited to get back into it. And the scariest moment was right before I hit the “let’s go live” button. Before I was on the air. This experience is certainly not unique to me. Anytime you’re approaching any kind of challenge, the scariest moment and the hardest part is actually getting started.

If you’re a writer, planting your behind in a seat, and sitting down and starting to write is the hardest part. Because once you get started, that’s when the creative juices get flowing. You start building your own momentum. That’s when things start happening once you’re in the flow just a little bit.

How will you start beating retroactive jealousy?

I offer a free four-part mini-course, on overcoming retroactive jealousy. The course is totally free, go to, you’ll see all kinds of signup boxes for it.

Anyway, in the first email that I send you, as part of this course, I ask you to tell me “Enough is enough.” It’s a tiny little commitment that you’re making. You’re just typing some random guy on the internet, and saying, “Enough is enough. I’m tired of retroactive jealousy, I’m ready to move on”.

I do this for deliberate and kind of a sneaky reason. Because I’m trying to get you to acknowledge even on a subconscious level, I’m done with this. I’m taking a step.

Even if it’s just signing up for some random guy’s free mini-course, which is nothing. There’s no skin in the game for you, just a free course that’s it. But on some level, I want you to realize that “I’m taking a step, I’m taking that first step” in many cases.

“I’m ready to commit. I’m ready to start putting in the work to beat this. Put it behind me for good. I’m taking that first step,” because everything gets easier once you take that first initial step.

Another example: I’ve been doing coaching calls for a long time, for eight years. Hundreds of coaching calls with hundreds of amazing men and women from all over the world. And the early stages of the call are often the time during the call when I see my clients kind of slowly opening up because, often, they’re talking about issues which they find enormously shameful. They’re embarrassed.

They’re embarrassed to be talking to me in certain moments, they’re embarrassed to finally be talking about this with someone else. But within about two or three minutes, once they start opening up, once those floodgates start opening up, then the call really begins. I can see them easing into this new awareness of their own power to beat this condition. Easing into this awareness that someone else–the guy on the other end of the screen–understands what I’m going through.

Even on a coaching call, the first step is the hardest part.

Once you get started, then everything starts getting better.

So I want to share this video with anyone out there who’s on the fence about taking any real steps toward beating retroactive jealousy, but you can apply this to many situations in life. Starting a business, asking a woman out on a date. Whatever you’re dealing with. The first step is often the hardest part, but everything gets better once you take that first initial step.

As Stephen King reminds us, “the scariest moment is always right before you start.”

Zachary Stockill
Zachary Stockill

Hi! I'm a Canadian author and educator whose work has been featured in BBC News, BBC Radio 4, The Huffington Post, and many other publications. I'm the founder of, the author of Overcoming Retroactive Jealousy and The Overcoming Jealousy Workbook, and the host of Humans in Love podcast.