In this video, I will share my top four reasons to start overcoming retroactive jealousy right now.

Read or watch below to know the top four reasons to start overcoming retroactive jealousy.

Zachary Stockill: If you’ve been struggling with retroactive jealousy for a while, and you’ve been putting off healing, I will share my top four reasons to start overcoming retroactive jealousy right now.

My top four reasons to start overcoming retroactive jealousy today.

Number one, top of the list: your mental health and well-being depend on this. Most retroactive jealousy sufferers who are watching this probably understand that this is one of those nasty little issues in life that bleeds into just about everything else in your life. If you’re a parent, it takes away from your time with your kids. If you’re an employee, or you have a business, it takes away energy and focus when you’re at work. It’s literally costing you money. If you have your own business, you’re losing focus, you’re losing time to this nasty little issue.

And in general, it’s probably bleeding into your life at various moments all throughout the day, on most days of the week. Or you at least go through periods when it feels like retroactive jealousy is holding you back from being as happy as focused as peaceful as you could be. So that’s number one for a reason.

I remember when I was struggling with this issue myself. I was in university at the time, and I’m pretty sure this problem caused me some grades on some essays and term papers that I was writing at the time. Because it took away my focus, it took away my drive, my motivation. It can be a demoralizing issue. It saps your energy and takes away from your life in so many areas. Your mental health depends on getting this solved.

Reason number two: your relationship health probably depends on getting this solved.

I got an email this morning from a retroactive jealousy sufferer writing to me when it’s too late; after this issue has cost them their relationship. Their partner finally hit that point where it’s like “Enough is enough. I can’t take this anymore. Stop asking me endless unnecessary questions about my past. Please stop being a mope around the house. Stop accusing me of things I didn’t do. Why can’t you stop punishing me for choices I made 10 years ago?” You probably get the idea. It gives me no pleasure to say this. But every person has their breaking point. Every person, every partner, and I don’t care how much your partner loves you. I don’t care how amazing they are…

Everyone has their breaking point.

Everyone will hit that wall at some point or another. And the longer you struggle with retroactive jealousy, and you’re feeling kind of stuck in the mud, you’re repeating the same mistakes and maybe bringing this up with your partner and letting this impact your mental health letting this impact your relationship. That all takes a toll. That all takes a tremendous toll on your relationship, often on your partner’s attraction to you, which is vital for a long-term relationship.

So it’s in your best interest, but it’s also in your partner’s best interest. And in the relationship’s best interest to get this solved as soon as possible. As I often say, you won’t believe how much better your relationship will be once you get this solved. Thankfully, I’ve been doing this for a long time. And I’ve received wedding invitations and pictures of newborn babies and all the rest from people thanking me for helping them get this solved. So they could fully enjoy their relationship again, and could fully move on with their life.

Start overcoming retroactive jealousy

Reason number three to start overcoming retroactive jealousy today…

The longer you put off healing, the harder healing will be.

I have received some remarkable transformation stories in my inbox, over the years. Anyone can heal from this. I believe that regardless of how long you’ve been suffering, the fact remains that the deeper you dig a hole, obviously the longer it’s going to take to fill that hole back in. If you’re trying to lose weight, the more weight you put on, the harder it’s going to be to eventually lose that weight. Same thing with retroactive jealousy.

The longer your brain is conditioned in certain patterns of negative thinking and intrusive thoughts and mental movies and curiosity and all the classic symptoms we might associate with retroactive jealousy… The longer your brain is accustomed to certain patterns of behavior, the harder it’s going to be for those patterns to break. It’s certainly possible to break them, even if you’ve struggled for a long time.

It just takes a little more time. It takes a little more effort.

There’s an old Chinese proverb, “The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago. The second-best time is today.” So if you’ve been struggling with retroactive jealousy for a long time, don’t worry. There is hope. But it’s time to get started because the longer you put off healing, the harder healing will be And the longer healing will probably take.

And finally, I’ve saved probably the most important one for last. I think I said that about number one. But anyway, they’re all very important.

You’re going to die.

And this gives me no pleasure to say. I’m going to die. We’re all going to die. Our time on this earth is limited. Your relationship is going to end at some point, for some reason. Every single day that we waste, struggling, spinning our wheels in the mud, taking our frustrations out on our partner, is a day we’re never going to get back.

The thing that haunts me most, when I think back on my struggles with retroactive jealousy around 10 years ago, is all of the wasted time. Because I’m never going to be 21 again. I’m never going to get those years back. I’m never going to be able to experience some of the things that I could have experienced before then, during that particular phase of my life. Because I was worried about things that don’t matter.

I was wasting time with retroactive jealousy.

I was letting this issue control my life in so many ways, and hold me back. And the thing that I regret the most is wasted time. There was a famous article that went viral several years ago in The Guardian, and it was about an ICU nurse. It was an ICU nurse talking to people who are dying; people on their deathbeds asking them about their life, and asking them about their regrets. And one of the big ones, again and again, when she talked to these people was wasted time. I don’t want to waste any more time, and I hope you don’t either. And for me, this is a crucial reason to start overcoming retroactive jealousy right now.

Because even though you don’t want to think about it, even though some people think it’s “dark” or “morbid” or “depressing,” I can tell you that nothing motivates and inspires me more to take advantage of every day than remembering that I’m going to die, and my time is limited.

If you are ready to start overcoming retroactive jealousy today, right now, I’ve got all kinds of resources that you can check out.

Click here to sign up for a free four-part mini-course that will help you get started overcoming retroactive jealousy right now. And, be sure you’re subscribed to my YouTube channel as well to be notified of new videos.

Zachary Stockill
Zachary Stockill

Hi! I'm a Canadian author and educator whose work has been featured in BBC News, BBC Radio 4, The Huffington Post, and many other publications. I'm the founder of, the author of Overcoming Retroactive Jealousy and The Overcoming Jealousy Workbook, and the host of Humans in Love podcast.