In today’s video, I’m going to offer the best piece of dating advice that I have encountered.

Read or watch below to discover the best dating advice.

Zachary Stockill: You may look at the title of this article and think it’s absolute clickbait, but it’s not. I assure you: in today’s video, I’m going to talk about what I believe to be the best dating advice ever.

My name is Zachary Stockill, and since 2013, I’ve been working one-on-one with men and women from all over the world, helping them overcome retroactive jealousy and save their relationships.

If you’d like more information about my work, or you’d like to work with me one-on-one, please visit this link.

The best dating advice ever, and really the only dating advice I think any man or woman truly needs, is: be dateable.

Before you throw away your phone or laptop in disgust, take a moment to hear me out…

This is an idea that Professor Jordan Peterson talks about a lot. This is an idea that a lot of people talk about. But it still seems like it’s lacking from the popular discourse on relationships, at least in the Western world.

Many people are interested in dating advice, attracting a better partner, building a better relationship, getting more dates, or getting better dates.

The focus is always on “what I can get.”

the best dating advice

And I’m not vilifying these people whatsoever. That’s a very human impulse to be selfish in our thinking, thinking about me, me, me.

What can I get? How can I get this? I want that. It’s very human to have such impulses.

But when you shift your focus to what you have to give or how you can increase what you have to offer, things change.

Miracles truly start to happen. This is an idea that took me a while to understand, but once I truly got it, my dating life changed, and my life in general as a man became much, much, much better.

So many people ask, ‘How can I find the perfect partner?’

What fewer people ask is, ‘How can I be the perfect partner?’

This sounds so obvious, but how often do we neglect it in our dating lives? We’re always focusing on getting. We’re not so keen to think about how we might be giving and how we can give more and better.

So, here’s the reason that I’m talking about this topic and why I was inspired to write this article.

Often in the West, you’ll find groups of men on online forums and social media who spend their time complaining about women.

They say things like “modern women are this” and “modern women are that,” bemoaning that they can’t find what they’re looking for and questioning the existence of the perfect woman, all while engaging in endless grumbling.

It’s all a victim mentality, really.

And then you see these guys, and I’m just going to point out the obvious here, but it’s hard not to notice—they don’t seem to take much care of themselves physically.

They don’t have a lot to offer financially or economically, and maybe they haven’t invested any time in improving their personality or becoming a good conversationalist or becoming a great lover or whatever.

And these guys… they expect the world, but they rarely consider what they have to offer.

“If I want a certain kind of woman, what kind of man is that woman interested in? And am I capable of growing to be able to offer that to a woman?”

And I don’t mean to pick on guys here, because I know women do this too. This is not a male-only phenomenon; personally, I see this more among men.

There’s this relentless chatter about how ‘modern women are this’ and ‘modern women are trash,’ and all that.

But when you take a good look at these guys, you can’t help but think: well, it’s no wonder the modern women, or at least the women in their lives, are choosing differently.

Here’s a great thought experiment. Just expanding on this point…

If you’re single and you want a good relationship, or you want a certain type of partner: try to get clear on exactly what that kind of partner, what that kind of woman, what that kind of man would expect.

In their love life and dating experiences, what is that person seeking?

Which traits in a man or woman do they find alluring?

Regarding a long-term partner, what criteria do they hold?

If you’re not sure, it’s time to do some research.

Talk to friends who might fit the bill, look up information on YouTube or Google, read some books, or even have a conversation with a coach.

Try to get a clear picture of exactly what your ideal person and ideal mate look like and what they are looking for in their relationship life.

Then go to the nearest mirror, take a long, hard look at yourself, consider your life as a whole, and ask yourself,…

‘Would I date me? Am I worthy of being with someone like that? Do I have what they’re looking for? Can I offer what they’re looking for?’

 the best dating advice

Now, sometimes, when you do this experiment, you’ll realize “not only do I not have what they’re looking for, but I don’t really want to give them what they’re looking for.”

And that’s okay, too.

The point is to get clear about exactly what you’re aiming at because if you don’t get clear about what you’re aiming at, you’re going to be continually frustrated.

And a big part of that is getting clear on exactly what the person you’re looking for is looking for.

Remember that all human beings respond to incentives, and that is equally true in the dating market and the sexual marketplace.

If you’re unsatisfied with the results you’ve been getting, it might be time to take a long, hard look in the mirror and ask yourself,…

‘Would I date me? What do I have to offer? What am I bringing into my perfect man’s or my perfect woman’s life?’

And the good news here is regardless of your gender, regardless of your sex, regardless of anything else, there is always a way that you can improve yourself.

You can improve the offer that you’re extending out into the world. You have all kinds of options to become a better conversationalist, lose weight, and get in better shape.

To improve your income, especially if you’re in a wealthy Western country, there are opportunities galore.

There are always ways that you can improve the offer that you’re putting out there in the world, and your dating life won’t improve until you get very clear on how exactly you’re going to improve whatever it is you want to offer.

If you’d like more information about my work, or you’d like to work with me one on one, please visit this page.

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Zachary Stockill
Zachary Stockill

Hi! I'm a Canadian author and educator whose work has been featured in BBC News, BBC Radio 4, The Huffington Post, and many other publications. I'm the founder of RetroactiveJealousy.com, the author of Overcoming Retroactive Jealousy and The Overcoming Jealousy Workbook, and the host of Humans in Love podcast.