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In today’s video, I’m going to share a quick method to know whether you’re truly trusting your partner or not.
Read or watch below to discover more about what trusting your partner truly means.
Zachary Stockill: If I were to ask most of the people watching this video whether they truly trust their partner, my guess is somewhere around eight or nine out of 10 people would say, “Yes, I absolutely trust my partner.”
But are you really trusting your partner? Because there’s a peculiar phrase that I hear a lot of people use… And people who use this phrase say they trust their partner. But the fact that they use this phrase to me says that they don’t really trust their partner. So today, I’m going to share a quick way to know whether you’re truly trusting your partner.
So at this point, I’ve been doing this work for 10 years. And, there’s this one phrase that I hear from coaching clients again and again and again. And these are coaching clients generally who are coming to me for advice on how to deal with irrational, more contemporary-based jealousy. So this comes up more frequently with people who are struggling with present-day jealousy as opposed to retroactive jealousy.
The term retroactive jealousy refers to unwanted intrusive thoughts, often obsessive curiosity, about partner’s past relationships or sexual history. But in today’s video, I’m talking more about contemporary, more “normal” relationship jealousy.
Tell me if you’ve ever used this phrase before:
“I trust my partner, but I don’t trust their ex.” Or, “I trust my partner 100%, I just don’t trust his sexy new coworker…”
Or “I trust my partner, but I don’t really trust that woman down the street…” You get the gist of it. There’s this phrase that I hear all the time people saying, “No, of course, I trust my partner. Absolutely. I just don’t trust their friend, or their colleague, or their coworker, or whatever…” And there’s a contradiction embedded in this phrase.
Because if you truly trust your partner, then it doesn’t matter what anyone else tries because you trust your partner.
It doesn’t matter how sexy or attractive anyone else is, doesn’t matter how manipulative or cunning or even downright evil someone else is because you trust your partner. But I don’t hear that from people. People say, “Well, of course, I trust my husband, but I don’t trust his coworker. I don’t trust this friend or whatever…”
The point is, if you truly trust your partner, the sentence would simply end: “I trust my partner.”
Doesn’t matter when anyone else tries, doesn’t matter what anyone else does. You are trusting your partner. Hopefully, your partner is not so naive or easily manipulated that they can fall prey to some cunning new coworker or some manipulative friend or whatever. If you truly trust your partner, it doesn’t matter what anyone else tries because you trust your partner.
So that’s how you can know if you truly trust your partner. Remember, if your partner is a free individual, if they have agency, if they’re reasonably intelligent, it doesn’t matter what anyone else tries. And that’s really the foundation of trust in your relationship.
It doesn’t matter what the world tries to do to break you up or anything else as long as the relationship is built on a fundamental foundation of trust. That trust should be unbreakable, mutual, and not easily penetrated by anyone else, no pun intended.
So if you have ever used this phrase, “I trust my partner, I just don’t trust X,” ask yourself, are you truly trusting your partner? My feeling is if you truly trusted your partner, you wouldn’t be using that phrase.
Now, the art of trust-building in relationships is a complicated and varied topic. My baseline for how to build trust comes back to the old Ernest Hemingway quote, which I really like: “The way to find out if you can trust someone is to trust them.”
The best way to find out whether someone is trustworthy is simply to take the leap of trusting them to see whether or not its possible.
Because someone can talk about how trustworthy they are. But if their actions and behavior don’t match up, obviously, they’re not trustworthy. So really, the only way to know is to give someone the opportunity to prove themselves.
And that’s why I don’t really struggle with trust issues, myself, in my relationship. My girlfriend and I have a fundamental foundation of trust. And she’s a very, very attractive woman, she can go out and get out with any guy that she wants, and other guys are constantly trying to lure her away. But I don’t care because I trust her.
Take a few minutes and think about this, if you’ve ever used this phrase before. “I trust my partner, I don’t just trust X…”
What are you really saying there? To my mind, when I hear people use that phrase, what I’m hearing is you don’t trust your partner. Because if you truly trust your partner, it doesn’t matter what anyone else says or does or tries.
And I’d just like to remind you, if you’re struggling with trust issues in your relationship, particularly if you’re struggling with trust issues based on what you’ve learned about your partner’s past.
This month, I’m celebrating the release of my new masterclass, “The Path to Peace”.
This masterclass is designed specifically for any retroactive jealousy sufferer who’s having questions who’s having doubts, who’s having concerns about their partner’s values their trustworthiness, and whether their jealous feelings are mostly rational or irrational. If that sounds like you, I’d highly encourage you to look into my new masterclass, “The Path to Peace”.
