Today, I will talk about what beating retroactive jealousy feels like and what keeps me motivated after 10 years of being a retroactive jealousy coach.

Read or watch below to learn more about what beating retroactive jealousy feels like.

Zachary Stockill: This year marks 10 years into my career as a full-time coach devoted to the issue of relationships and helping people overcome retroactive jealousy.

By the way, for the people who are new here: the term retroactive jealousy refers to unwanted intrusive thoughts, often obsessive curiosity, and what I call “mental movies” about a partner’s past relationships and/or sexual history.

And sometimes when people learn about me, and they hear about my work, they ask me: “Zach, you’ve been at this for a long time. What keeps you motivated? What keeps you excited? What keeps you fulfilled? Why are you still doing this after a decade?”

So in today’s video, I’m going to answer the question of:

What keeps me motivated after 10 years as a full-time retroactive jealousy coach? 

It’s still weird for me to say out loud that I’ve been at this for 10 years. I mean, I remember when I wrote my first book, Overcoming Retroactive Jealousy. I could hardly imagine that it would take me to this point where I would meet so many incredible people, I’d be so fulfilled, motivated, and inspired 10 years later… If you told me ten years ago that I’d be here talking to you today, I might not have believed it.

But here we are. And here I am. 

Needless to say, I have learned a lot over a decade of one-on-one coaching when it comes to the issue of retroactive jealousy. The students in my online courses have taught me so much about relationships, psychology, and retroactive jealousy. I’ve interacted at this point with thousands of retroactive jealousy sufferers from all over the world. 

And by the way, I know they come from all over the world because I have had visitors to my website from literally every single country on the planet. So all of this is to say that I think I have a pretty good handle on this issue. I’ve spoken to a lot of people about their struggles with retroactive jealousy. And I’m still just as motivated and inspired by my job today as I was a decade ago.

So the obvious question is: why?

I often say that…

The path to freedom from retroactive jealousy is pretty much the same for everyone. 

There are differences along the way. But at this point, after a decade of research, trial, and error…

After ten years of thousands of student’s success stories, we know exactly what works and what doesn’t when it comes to overcoming unwanted intrusive thoughts about your partner’s past.

The path to freedom, the path to peace, is pretty clear. That said, every case of retroactive jealousy is a little different because we’re all human beings. And each and every human being is a little different from all other human beings. 

So in terms of what keeps me motivated and inspired: every time I show up for a new coaching call with a new client, I know I’m going to learn something. And chances are that I’m going to learn something interesting. 

Because everyone’s story of retroactive jealousy is going to be a little bit different. If I was having the same conversations with the same kind of person, over and over again, for a decade, it would have gotten pretty boring by now.

I need to be continually stimulated, challenged, and engaged. And thankfully, when you’re doing one on one coaching, especially related to a relatively complicated issue, like retroactive jealousy, it’s almost always interesting. 

Your clients are always interesting. Their stories are always interesting and challenging. And there’s always a lot to dig into. Because this is a complicated issue. 

I mean, some aspects of it are relatively simple. But at its core, retroactive jealousy can bring up a lot of complicated issues, themes, and questions.

And my clients, frankly, are never boring. Those calls are never boring for me, because I’m continually challenged. I’m continually learning something. And I know I’ve got to continually “up my game,” to meet the needs of every new client.

But maybe the biggest thing that keeps me motivated and inspired as a coach is what comes after beating retroactive jealousy. 

There’s a whole section on my website devoted to students’ success stories. Students who went through my online courses, who have arrived at freedom from retroactive jealousy.

And frankly, their stories are what keeps me motivated and inspired 10 years later.

Their stories should be inspiring to every retroactive jealousy sufferer, I think. Because you have to understand that…

Overcoming retroactive jealousy can truly be like a “gateway drug” into personal development.

what beating retroactive jealousy feels like

… into a deeper knowledge of self, into a better relationship, into greater peace of mind, not just in your relationship, but in every aspect of your life.

Also, into a greater appreciation of the present moment and greater appreciation of your life and all the gifts you’ve been afforded. Overcoming retroactive jealousy can be the beginning of an incredible new chapter in your life. I’m certainly living proof of that.

I mean, in some ways, I can divide my life and my personal development as a man into retroactive jealousy, and after. That’s how much of a difference it can make in terms of transforming who you are. 

Now, of course, every story, again, is a little different, every person is a little different. And for some people, it’s just a minor annoyance that they manage to work their way through. It doesn’t result in big changes in their life, in their outlook, in their relationships. That’s fine.

But for many, many people, it is a big deal. 

Overcoming this issue can lead to so many benefits in so many areas of their life. 

And really, that’s what keeps me motivated and inspired while helping people overcome retroactive jealousy, and get rid of the unwanted intrusive thoughts and all that.

It makes me very happy. I love getting those emails.

I especially appreciate the emails from people who’ve been through my courses or my coaching clients. For example, the people who tell me their relationship has never been better since taking my course. They’ve never had more fun with their kids, because they’re so able to stay present in the present moment.

Or maybe people who are getting engaged because they finally got retroactive jealousy behind them.

Other people who are on the cusp of divorce, and then turn things around with some help from me, and maybe one of my courses.

And all of a sudden, they’re getting engaged, or they’re getting remarried, or they’re avoiding divorce, all because they managed to overcome retroactive jealousy. 

And at the risk of sounding pompous, I like to think about my work as having a bit of a ripple effect in the world. And again, this is going to sound pompous, but I don’t care because it’s true:

So I tell myself, “if I impact just one coaching client positively…

“What impact is that going to have on his relationship with his wife, and maybe his kids, and maybe his friends, and maybe his wider community, and maybe even his country, or even the world?” 

what beating retroactive jealousy feels like

So really, that’s what keeps me motivated. That’s what keeps me inspired. 

Because, yes, I’m helping people overcome retroactive jealousy. But at the same time, I also hope I’m opening them up to experiencing greater joy and happiness and love, in their relationships with other people, in their lives in general.

I hope I’m helping them have better lives, and experience what beating retroactive jealousy feels like. And again, at the risk of sounding pompous, I have a lot of evidence that that’s exactly what I’m doing. 

So, if you ask me, what keeps you motivated and inspired after 10 years of doing this work? That’s it.

Of course, I absolutely love helping people overcome retroactive jealousy, helping people slay this beast, once and for all. That’s very satisfying.

But in many ways, what keeps me even more excited, motivated, and engaged, is helping people achieve what comes after retroactive jealousy. That’s really what’s keeping me here after more than ten years.

If you are currently struggling with retroactive jealousy, you can click here to sign up for a free four-part mini-course that will help you get started.

Or, if you need more help, then you can consider signing up for one-on-one coaching with me. [Subject to availability]

Zachary Stockill
Zachary Stockill

Hi! I'm a Canadian author and educator whose work has been featured in BBC News, BBC Radio 4, The Huffington Post, and many other publications. I'm the founder of, the author of Overcoming Retroactive Jealousy and The Overcoming Jealousy Workbook, and the host of Humans in Love podcast.