In today’s video, I’d like to share the number one step you should take after you break up.

So, what to do after a breakup?

Zachary Stockill: I’m Zachary Stockill from I’m also the author of the newly released The Breakup Recovery Workbook, as well as my new comprehensive, step-by-step, Breakup Recovery Blueprint Online Course.

What I’m about to propose isn’t necessarily always easy and it might take some time to arrive at a sort of full-bodied comprehensive answer to this particular question. But I think it’s important to get a start on it as soon as possible.

What to do after a breakup?

So after you break up, the first most important thing you should do is get clear about exactly why you broke up.

Breakups and divorces can be enormously messy. There are many variables involved. There’s all kinds of emotional investment that you’ve made in the relationship. It can take some time to start seeing things, with a level head. Trying to get a balanced perspective on things. And this can’t happen overnight.

In the immediate wake of your breakup, this is the best chance. Record your emotions and feelings and what exactly happened as you broke up.

Why could these two people not manage to patch things up, not managed to make it work?

The more clarity you get around this question, the easier it will be for you to move on. It’s probably not gonna happen overnight, or even in a week or two, or maybe not even in a month or two. But over time, the more you reflect on, and the more you keep in mind exactly why your breakup happened, the easier it will be for you to accept the pain of loss.

To accept the finality of it, and to create an incredible new single life for yourself.

It’s really valuable to try to look at the situation insofar as possible as a detached outside observer. Try to step outside of yourself and look at you and your partner, as two people outside of yourself insofar as you’re capable. Look at things as rationally and as objectively as possible, and ask yourself, why didn’t these two people work out? Pretending that you’re not you, pretending that you’re outside of yourself?

And then, you can reflect back on the relationship. Perhaps you can reflect back on the exact circumstances of when you actually broke up. Try to get clear on this question.

It might be painful, it might take some energy out of you initially. It’s important to remember that your answer to this question will hopefully become more comprehensive over time.

But in the immediate stages after your breakup, it’s a good idea to try to get as clear as you can on your breakup. And getting clear about this will help you later on when you’re reminiscing or you’re longing for your ex.

It’s nice to go back to this and remember, this is why this relationship had to end.

This is what happened, and the easier it will be for you to accept the finality of it, and start building an incredible new single life for yourself.

Zachary Stockill
Zachary Stockill

Hi! I'm a Canadian author and educator whose work has been featured in BBC News, BBC Radio 4, The Huffington Post, and many other publications. I'm the founder of, the author of Overcoming Retroactive Jealousy and The Overcoming Jealousy Workbook, and the host of Humans in Love podcast.