“Why Did My Partner Have Flings?” A Few Thoughts [VIDEO]

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In today’s video, I respond to a viewer who wonders “Why did my partner have flings?”.

Read or watch below to learn more about how to deal with a situation involving “why your partners had flings,” and retroactive jealousy.

Zachary Stockill: In today’s video, I respond to a viewer of this channel who is troubled by their partner’s past relationships, troubled by the fact that her boyfriend was involved in casual relationships in the past, and wants to know what that means.

My name is Zachary Stockill, and since 2013, I’ve helped thousands of men and women from across the world beat retroactive jealousy and save their relationships.

If you would like more information about my work, or you’d like to work with me one on one, please click here.

You hear the word “jealousy” and you think, “Well, I’m not jealous. I just can’t stop thinking about it.”

So Anna writes, “Why do people sometimes start their relationship with someone who is not the best choice for them, and it is clear from the beginning that this person is not the love of his life?

“Why are people in temporary relationships?”

Okay, Anna. That is a big question.

I will do my best. Why are people in temporary relationships?

So first off, by asking this question, I think you’re confused because maybe your motives for relationships are a little different than your partner’s, and there’s nothing wrong with that.

The point is, human beings can have 1,001 different motivations for staring relationships with other human beings and in relationships.

Many people get in relationships for many different reasons.

Someone could be in a relationship because they meet someone, they’re attracted to that person, and something in their soul just moves them to pursue a relationship with that person, right?

Others connect with people for all kinds of different reasons.

Some people are just seeking companionship, plain and simple.

There are a lot of lonely people out there who just want some companionship.

Life is hard, and sometimes, it feels like it’s easier if you have someone who’s, you know, got your back, so to speak.

Sometimes people enter relationships based on sheer, raw, primal sexual attraction.

Sometimes people associate with each other ’cause there’s just real physical chemistry there.

Other people get in relationships ’cause they’re best friends.

And yeah, maybe they do not extremely like each other, but it’s like, “Well, you know, maybe this is the best I can do,” and yada yada.

Nothing necessarily wrong with that.

Other people get in relationships because they need a sense of validation.

Maybe they need to feel validated in a way that they’ve never felt in their entire life.

They meet someone.

And this person gives them all kinds of feelings and it’s like, “Wow, I feel so validated. I’m gonna pursue a relationship with that person.”

Other people start short-term relationships ’cause they’re just looking for some fun, for example.

Plain and simple.

And you understand there’s millions more reasons why people form relationships, but the point is everyone has slightly different reasons for engaging with people at different phases of their life, right?

I speak to you today as a man in his late 30s.

My motivation for being married and for being in a relationship today is different than my motivations for getting into a relationship in my early 20s.

‘Cause life changes, you grow up, your needs change, what you value changes to some extent.

So these things can shift over time.

But that’s probably an important point for you to keep in mind.

Maybe there’s a part of you, Anna, that’s thinking, “Well, my boyfriend had these different motivations for being in relationships in the past.

“What if he has those same motivations today? What if he’s settling for me?

“Or what if he’s not serious about me?”

Obviously, I don’t know you, I don’t know your boyfriend.

But do keep in mind that people’s motivations for getting into relationships change, and can change over time.

So just because he had some temporary relationships five or six or ten years ago does not mean that he like the same thing today.

The only constant in life is change.

Hopefully most of us are growing as we get older, spiritually, psychologically, emotionally, etc.

So your boyfriend’s motivations are likely going to change over time, just because he committed to people in the past for some reasons that you don’t understand.

Don’t automatically assume that he’s committing to you today for similar reasons.

Because there’s a good chance, obviously, that he mature and he’s a different person making different choices today.

If you feel threatened by your partner’s past choices in his relationship, if he was involved with some women where he’s like, “What were you thinking?”

Again, the same thing applies.

Maybe your partner found certain traits, characteristics or women years ago that he doesn’t today.

And I can share my own experience here, too.

I mean, there are certain women attracting me in my early 20s.

There’s no way I’d be attracted to those women today.

Like, you know, I’ll spare you details.

Maybe there’s some red flags in those women that I didn’t see at the time, but today, with the benefit of 15 years or something…

I could see those red flags a lot more clearly.

And I wouldn’t want to get involved with that same woman today that I was involved with when I was 23, for example.

So all of this is to say people grow up and change.

You don’t necessarily project your own motivations for relationships onto your partner.

Human psychology is so complicated.

We’re all so different.

Be open to the fact that maybe your partner’s grown up, and reached a level of maturity that you feel that you’re at.

And that maybe takes him a while to get to.

Nothing wrong with that either.

Extremely common.

If you are struggling with retroactive jealousy.

In other words, if you’re fixating on your partner’s past, thinking about it all the time…

If you can’t let it go or you’re waking up with these intrusive thoughts, curiosity, etc.

You can sign up for my free four-part video mini-course on how to start overcoming retroactive jealousy.

It’s completely free, with no catch, and it includes videos and content you won’t find on YouTube or anywhere else, so be sure to sign up for my free four-part video mini-course to start overcoming retroactive jealousy.