In today’s video, I provide my thoughts on marriage.
Zachary Stockill: So I need to start today’s video with a bit of an embarrassing confession. The other day, I was Googling my own name, because curiosity got the best of me. And sometimes I want to see what other people are thinking and saying about me.
It was interesting to note that one of the first search results for my name on Google was the phrase “Zachary Stockill wife.” So this says that some of you are interested in whether or not I have a wife. And maybe, more generally, my thoughts on marriage. And in today’s video, that’s exactly what I intend to provide.
So my thoughts on marriage? I’m in my mid-30s today, and I’ve never been married. There are many reasons for that, which I can get into in a little more detail in this video. For those of you who may be curious, I was single and dated casually for several years. I’ve been in several long-term relationships. I’m in a long-term relationship now. But I’ve never been married.
And in terms of why I’ve never been married, I was thinking about this before I sat down to record this.
There have definitely been opportunities. I’ve come somewhat close in the past. And those conversations have definitely happened.
I think the main reason I’m not married at this point is because I take it extremely seriously. It’s a decision that I certainly do not take lightly.
Frankly, I fear divorce. I’m at the age now where many of my peers have already been divorced. I’ve witnessed firsthand the toll that that has taken on their lives. And I also must say, I’ve really had an absolutely incredible single life. I’ve enjoyed my bachelorhood very, very much. I’ve been in relationships with some absolutely incredible women, and I wouldn’t trade those experiences for anything.
And I’ve had a really good time, frankly. I’ve never felt this strong need to throw myself into marriage, at least not to this point in my life.
I also think marriage should be one of those all-in propositions. I think a lot of people don’t take this decision with the seriousness and gravity and thought that it deserves. Who you choose to spend your life with is literally the most consequential decision you will ever make. They have done all kinds of studies on this; on what makes people truly happy, and what is truly consequential in terms of overall life satisfaction, and all these things.
They’ve researched the effects of making more money or moving to a different city or your job or your family life or whatever…
And the number one factor is your choice of life partner. That is literally the most consequential decision of your life.
So needless to say, I take it extremely seriously.
And to date, frankly, I’m glad that I’ve taken it so seriously. I think I’ve needed to have an extended bachelorhood, if you can call it that… I’ve really needed to have many of the experiences that I’ve had, I’ve needed to find out who I am as a man, and what I want from a potential life partner. I’ve needed to learn all the essential relationship skills, or at least many of the essential relationship skills that I believe will serve me well in marriage.
And I also want to marry someone who takes the decision as seriously as I do. Because frankly, I think a lot of people don’t.
As I said a moment ago, I think some people enter marriage with this attitude of, “Well, if it doesn’t work out, we’ll get divorced.” Well, guess what, they’ve done a lot of research on this, and there have been many surveys. But there’s considerable evidence to suggest that a divorce is the most painful experience that a human being can go through, outside the death of a loved one. I’m not trying to scare you. I’m not trying to put anyone off marriage, certainly nothing like that.
But divorce is a big deal. And I think a lot of people, particularly in my generation, see it as kind of one of these things, like…
“Oh, we’ll go to the courthouse and sign a few papers. And we’ll be divorced. And it’s not a big deal, right?”
Again, I’ve witnessed the consequences of divorce, both in my own family and with several of my friends. I’ve seen the toll it takes. And I’ve seen how it can take them months or sometimes even years to rebuild their sense of self, to rebuild their self-esteem, to rebuild their lives in the wake of a divorce. I’ve wanted to avoid that at all costs.
So this is another reason I’ve wanted to give myself a lot of time, to do the exploring that I’ve needed to do, and get myself to a point where the risk of divorce is as low as possible.
I’ll also share a brief story.
So I was having a conversation with a good friend of mine, a very insightful guy. And I was asking him about his feelings about marriage. Would you ever make that choice? What would lead you to that decision? By the way, my friend has never married either.
And he said that:
The only way he would ever marry someone is if he felt like he had no choice. But “no choice” in the best possible way…
In other words, if everything in his heart, in his soul, and his being compelled him to devote himself fully to a woman… If he got to that point where he felt absolutely “helpless” in the best way, that would be the only time that he would make that decision. And frankly, that is my bar for marriage.
Maybe it’s a high bar for the eventual “Zachary Stockill wife.” But I think it should be.
Because again, marriage is the most consequential decision I know I will ever make in my life. So I need to take it seriously.
And I like that bar because I think it makes my future likelihood of having a long and successful marriage much higher.
So that’s it. That’s my response to those of you Googling “Zachary Stockill wife”…
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