Are you struggling with retroactive jealousy symptoms?

Retroactive jealousy symptoms aren’t easy to deal with.

It might be jealousy concerning people your partner once dated. You may find yourself unable to focus on anything, constantly worrying about your partner’s past.

Transcript below

Zachary Stockill: Do you want to overcome retroactive jealousy?

Are you sure you really want to overcome retroactive jealousy?

I ask that question not to be mean but to illustrate an important point that I think a lot of retroactive jealousy sufferers overlook.

Retroactive jealousy symptoms: feeling wronged can feel kind of good…

That can be kind of appealing on some level. And thus, if we’re not careful, part of our subconscious will want to keep this drama and energy going because it adds meaning to our lives.

There’s a part of many retroactive jealousy sufferers that like the feeling like a victim. A victim to our partner’s past, to our partner’s choices in the past, and to retroactive jealousy. There’s part of us that kind of gets off on that because it adds some drama. It adds some excitement to our lives even if it’s negative excitement.


This is one of the reasons why I try to limit my exposure on social media generally.

Because most people are only getting off on the victim complex and just endlessly complaining and not really making any real progress, real growth. I’m not saying that the only way to beat retroactive jealousy is with my work. As you’re doing something, as long as you’re taking some steps forward, whether it’s reading someone else’s book or signing up for sessions with a therapist or a coach. Just try something new and stop spinning your wheels in the mud endlessly.

This is one of the reasons I’m so grateful that I started my Facebook group for students taking the online course because there’s a barrier to entry. You have to be a student in the course to join the group. And thus, the group is only filled with retroactive jealousy sufferers who are actively committed. Retroactive jealousy sufferers, who are really tired of this. Someone who actually wants to change enough to commit to this course and to this group.

“You’re the average of the five people you spend the most time with.” -Jim Rohn

There’s a lot of truth to that. And frankly, I think it also applies to online communities. So if you’re part of some retroactive jealousy community, if you’re posting in chat forums all the time, if it’s helping you, and if you’re surrounded by people who are not in a victim mentality. Then they’re actually working to overcome this thing. That’s fantastic, keep it up.

But if you’re stuck and if you’re constantly having the same comments coming back at you, it might be time to reconsider your approach to overcoming this thing and start asking yourself on a deeper level whether you are truly willing to change because overcoming retroactive jealousy is going to take some change.

It will force you to confront some parts of yourself that maybe you’re not that excited about confronting.

I believe that it is absolutely worth it and I’m living proof of that as well as the hundreds of students in my online course.

But aside from that ask yourself, do you really want to overcome retroactive jealousy?

Are you willing to let some parts of your ego and your former self go to beat this thing? Ask yourself this question over and over. And if I were you, I wouldn’t be satisfied until I arrived at a wholehearted yes in response to this question. Just some random stream of consciousness and food for thought.

If you want to read more blog posts related to retroactive jealousy sufferers, click here.

Zachary Stockill
Zachary Stockill

Hi! I'm a Canadian author and educator whose work has been featured in BBC News, BBC Radio 4, The Huffington Post, and many other publications. I'm the founder of, the author of Overcoming Retroactive Jealousy and The Overcoming Jealousy Workbook, and the host of Humans in Love podcast.