Staying Friends With An Ex: When Does It Become An Issue in a New Relationship?

staying friends with an ex

Photo by Ben Duchac on Unsplash Staying friends with an ex is tricky terrain to navigate in a new relationship… all the more so when the “friendship” starts to take precedence over the intimate relationship. For this week’s Mailbag, “S” writes: Hi Zach,  I think what you’re doing is great & healing for a lot of people. Thank…

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Dealing With Obsessive Thoughts With “Brain Lock” [VIDEO]

dealing with obsessive thoughts

Dealing with obsessive thoughts isn’t easy. And it especially isn’t easy when the obsessive thoughts are associated with our partner’s past relationships and/or sexual history. Retroactive jealousy OCD is one of the most frustrating and debilitating mental disorders. Quality information to help you overcome it is rare. Thankfully, however, as I noted in a previous…

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Girlfriend’s Past Bothering You? Here’s My 7-Step Path To Peace of Mind

girlfriend's past

Photo by Toa Heftiba If you’ve spent any amount of time trawling Google for answers on how to deal with your girlfriend’s past, you’ve likely come across a lot of varied advice. (Transcript below) On one hand, there are the online commenters who say that any guy who struggles with any woman’s past is a hypocrite,…

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I Beat Retroactive Jealousy… You Can Too [VIDEO]

This video is long overdue… I remember back in 2010, when author Dan Savage started the “It Gets Better” video campaign for LGBT youth. The videos were often very moving, intended to offer comfort, guidance, and support to LGBT youth dealing with the difficult situation of coming to terms with their own sexuality. In recent…

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“It created who she is:” Zan Perrion on accepting your partner’s past

In a recent blog post I wrote briefly about the impact Zan Perrion’s work has had on me. The famed Canadian dating coach, author, and speaker encourages men to celebrate women, appreciate the beauty around us, and to always look at the world with an eye toward having a good time. This was advice I badly needed when…

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Should You Get Married If You’re Struggling With Retroactive Jealousy?

A 20-something male student going through my online course recently wrote to me with an important question: Do you think that it is wise to wait until I have overcome RJ to a reasonable level before considering marriage? The reasoning behind my question is that marriage is a big deal for me, and I really…

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On Loving Women: An Open Letter to Male Jealousy Sufferers

When I started writing my book Overcoming Retroactive Jealousy, and working on this blog, I was convinced that retroactive jealousy was almost exclusively a male problem. I was wrong. Today, after several years of conversing with RJ sufferers on a near-daily basis, I’d estimate that over forty percent of my readers and students are women. However, not all…

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Can’t Get Over Girlfriend’s Past? You Are NOT Alone (And Here’s What To Do)

Can’t get over girlfriend’s past? You are far from alone. Today’s letter comes from an American named Ron who can’t get over girlfriend’s past. It raises several important, and widely resonant issues for sufferers of retroactive jealousy, and sexual jealousy in general. Ron writes: Hi Zachary, I can’t get over my girlfriend’s past. My gf…

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Listen to a New Interview on the Knowledge for Men Podcast

One of the most enjoyable parts of being an author is connecting with others with similar missions in life. I recently appeared on Andrew Ferebee’s wonderful Knowledge for Men Podcast to talk jealousy, relationships, and more. During the near hour-long interview, we discussed retroactive jealousy, my journey toward overcoming it, how to interpret more “normal’ jealousy in relationships,…

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Meditations: A Roman Emperor’s Guide to Letting Go of Jealousy and Possessiveness

wife's past

During a recent interview, I was asked to recommend just one book that every man should read. I chose to recommend a book I think everyone can benefit from, regardless of their gender: the classic Meditations by the ancient Roman emperor Marcus Aurelius. Marcus Aurelius is one of the fathers of Stoicism, the ancient school of Hellenistic philosophy The…

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